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    Give Them An Inch And They’ll Drive A Mile

    | Aurora, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m a shift manager at a pizza chain. There are other stores miles away from us, and we all have our own areas that we deliver to. The areas don’t overlap, and we can’t deliver somewhere outside our area.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [pizza place]; how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Delivery.”

    Me: “Okay, can I get your phone number please?”

    (The caller gives me a phone number and I can see we’ve never taken an order from him before, at least not under that number. I ask for his name, and he gives it to me.)

    Me: “Can I have your address please?”

    (He gives me an address, which I recognize to be in another store’s area.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; your address is in another store’s delivery area. I can give you their number, it’s—”

    Caller: “But I called THIS store.”

    Me: “Yes, but we can’t deliver to you. However, [sister store name] can. I have their—”

    Caller: “Why can’t you deliver to me?”

    Me: “All of our stores in the region have specific areas that they can deliver to. You’re in another store’s area.”

    Caller: “Well, can you just put a different address in and then deliver it to my address?”

    Me: “No, sir, we can’t do that for safety reasons. I’d be happy to give you the other store’s number, though.”

    Caller: “What, do you think I’m going to rob you? I want to speak to a manager!”

    Me: “Speaking. I’m the manager on duty tonight.”

    Caller: “No, you’re not. Last time I called I talked to a guy.”

    Me: “We have more than one manager working here; I just happen to be working tonight.”

    Caller: “Oh. Well, what if I gave the driver more money? Then could you deliver to me?”

    Me: “No, we still can’t.”

    Caller: “Fine! This is horrible service! I’m going to call and complain about you!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. I can give you our 1-800 numbe—”

    Caller: “I’ll just come pick it up. I want a large pepperoni.”

    Me: “Sir, the other store is closer to you; I’d be happy to give you their number.”

    Caller: “No! You’re just being lazy! I want a large pepperoni!”

    (I give up and take the customer’s order. A while later he shows up and asks for his order. I get his order and go to cash him out.)

    Caller: “I want a discount for having to drive so far! You guys should build a store closer to me!”

    Me: “I’m not giving you a discount; I’m the one who took your order, and I tried to give you the number of a store that’s closer to you several times!”

    Caller: “Oh. Well… you should have been clear about it!”

    He Only Wants The White Meat

    , | Manchester, England, UK | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    (I am working on a till at a popular fast food restaurant, where we serve fried chicken. One of the more popular drinks is a white chocolate milkshake. I have just finished handing out an order when a father and his son come up to the counter.)

    Me: “Hi there! Welcome to [name of restaurant]. Can I take your order?”

    Father: “Yes. Can I have a white chocolate chicken meal and a fried milkshake?”

    Me: *thinking I’ve misheard* “I’m very sorry; what did you say?”

    Father: *irritated* “A white chocolate chicken meal, and a fried milkshake!”

    (I look at the son, and we both exchange puzzled looks.)

    Father: “Look, it’s just a white chocolate chicken meal and a fried milkshake! What’s so hard—”

    (The son bursts out laughing; the father looks down confused.)

    Father: “What? You did want a white choco—”

    Son: “Dad! Think about what you just said!”

    Father: “I remember! A white chocolate chi—”

    (He suddenly realizes what he has said before, and covers his eyes with his hand.)

    Father: “I didn’t just say that, did I?”

    Son: “You did!”

    Father: “Very sorry about that. A white chocolate MILKSHAKE, and a fried chicken meal, please?”

    Trolling Down The Aisles

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

    (I am checking out a regular customer.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m okay. I bet you’re miserable.”

    Me: “No, I’m pretty good actually, but there’s still time.”

    Customer: “Is there anything I can do to help? What’s something customers do that really p***es you off?”

    Me: “Hmm. Well, when they run off just before I’ve finished putting through their stuff to get ‘one more thing’.”

    Customer: *eyes shopping* “I’ll be back; I’ve got to get some chocolate.”

    (The customer runs off, and comes back about a minute later, just as I’ve finished scanning his things.)

    Customer: “How was that? Are you annoyed at me now?”

    Me: “Sorry, I don’t think it works if I know you’re trolling. It amuses me more than anything.”

    Customer: “Dawwww.”

    Stupid Life

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    Someone Should Show Her The (Car) Door

    | Sandusky, MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (An old car has just driven up outside the store. Out of it comes a customer who looks like a party girl, with makeup and chewing gum. She enters the store.)

    Customer: “I want some pretzels.”

    Me: “Right, that’s $3 a bag.”

    (The customer dumps the money on the counter and snatches the bag from my hand. I think nothing of it, but a few seconds later I hear her screaming. I go outside to see the customer screaming at a nerdy-looking girl that looks about 10.)

    Customer: “You f******, ungrateful little b****!”

    Girl: “Look, I’m s-sorry!”

    Customer: “You f****** better be, you little cow! You f****** well damaged my car! There are cameras up there. You are in so much trouble!”

    Me: “What’s happened?”

    Customer: “This ugly b**** thinks she can open a car door without thinking that she can actually damage my $50,000 car!”

    (I raise an eyebrow, as the car is clearly worth nowhere near that amount. The girl’s father comes up.)

    Father: “What’s going on, [Girl]?”

    Customer: “I’ll tell ya what happened! Your w**** of a daughter opened the door on my car, and there’s a f****** dent in it!”

    (The father and I look over. The car door has landed in a dent, but given the standards of the car, I assume it was there already.)

    Me: “Look, why don’t you come inside? I can call the police and they’ll look at the tapes.”

    Girl: *to man* “Daddy, I’m scared.”

    Customer: “You f****** well should be, you little b****! I hope you think about this every time you get in your precious daddy’s car! You’re lucky your daddy can actually pay for this! You think you’re so rich; you can do what you want!”

    (I try to help the situation by asking the customer to take a step inside and talk to the manager. But then she looks at the father.)

    Customer: “You gonna pay for it?”

    Man: “I am.” *looks at girl* “[Girl], try and think before you open a door.”

    Girl: “It was there already.”

    Customer: “You know what, little cow? I really hope that when your daddy is in hospital from the heart attack he’s gonna get when he sees the bill, he dies from it!”

    (The girl wails even louder, holding onto her father’s leg, as he begins to look pale. He puts an arm round the girl’s back, and some other customers outside the shop and inside are now looking. The customer can’t stand me trying to get her inside, and digs her nails in my cheek.)

    Customer: “Don’t keep talking to me in that fancy cashier talk, lady. I can handle myself!”

    (The girl’s crying is now really loud, so the customer goes over and pulls the girl from her father. The girl is reaching toward her father, and he begins trying to fight the customer to get her off. I call security in my radio. The customer is hitting the girl and knocking her glasses off.)

    Customer: “You think you’re so important, don’t ya? Well you’re just a f****** loser! You ain’t gonna rely on mommy and daddy forever, kid. One day you gonna have to leave. Yeah, and you’ll die on the streets because you waste all Daddy’s money on attacking everything!”

    (The security guards manage to get her off, and eventually the police arrive.)

    Policeman: “Calm down, miss. We can handle this.”

    Customer: “You f****** better do, because I got a party to go to.”

    Policeman: “The way you’re acting, miss, the only place you’re going is the station.”

    Customer: *laughing* “Come on! Takes more than a rich kid to get against me!”

    Me: “What about those cameras that you were arguing about?”

    (The customer is silent. The police take her away. The man and girl give statements, the man comforting his daughter throughout, and then police look at the car and exchange insurance. Soon after, the girl and her father come in to the garage and buy some fizzy drinks.)

    Father: “I remember you from that night.”

    Me: “Did you have to pay insurance?”

    Father: “No. It wasn’t just because she was attacking my daughter. It was because security showed the dent had been there earlier. And what made my daughter cry more actually, was the fact I HAVE had a heart attack. She was only nine and didn’t understand. She has a mental disability, so can’t understand many things and has to go to a special school. She already was having therapy because she’s scared of the outside world, and this was our first time going to a restaurant in ages.”

    Me: “Oh, my God; I am so sorry!”

    Father: “It’s okay. I really think she can get over it.”

    (It’s been around two years since and they come into the store often. She is a lovely, happy young woman, and has gotten over what happened to her. I’m just happy for her that she has coped so well.)

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