(I am co-teaching a parent-child swim class for children aged six months to two years. I am 23, and my coworker is 16. During free swim, where the children get to play with toys, I am going from child to child and singing to them by way of rubber duck.)

Me: “Rubber ducky, you’re the one.”

(The child’s mom is grinning and joining in.)

Child’s Mom: “You make bath time lots of fun!”

Coworker: “What’s that from?”

Me: *aghast* “Have you never seen Sesame Street?”

Coworker: “No…”

(I pretend to be in pain, and then I grin at the mom.)

Me: “I still have all the old sing-alongs on VHS.”

(I turn to my coworker.)

Me: “You do know what a VHS is, right?”

Coworker: “Aren’t they like those black box things you play home movies on?”

(Never have I felt so old!)

(I am ringing up a customer. After I tell him his total, he decides to continue shopping. He tries to hand me a $100 bill, but I tell him to hold on to it until he’s done shopping. I watch him shove it in his pocket. A few minutes later, he comes back with a second item.)

Me: “Your total today is $32.44.”

(The customer grabs the bag and begins to walk away.)

Me: “Sir, you still need to pay for your purchase. It’s $32.44.”

Customer: “I already gave you $100!”

Me: “No, I asked you to hold on to your money until you finished shopping.”

Customer: “Nu-uh, you put it in the register.”

Me: “Sir, it’s in your right pants pocket.”

(He reaches in, pulls out the bill, and hastily shoves it back in his pocket.)

Customer: “I saw you take it! Hey everyone! This b**** stole my money!”

Me: “Sir, I assure you that your money is in your pocket.”

Customer: “Nah, f*** you, b****! Give me back my money!”

(He then comes over the counter at me as I’m dialing security. I give him my ‘don’t mess with me’ glare and he backs off, but moves on to threatening the other customers, saying they were all on it and that one of them has his money. Security finally arrives and escorts him out, banning him from the premises.)

(I have been checking books back in that have been left on our returns desk and come across a new book that has been badly damaged by what looks to be coffee. When the patron comes back to the circulation desk, I show her the book.)

Me: “Good morning! I’ll check those out for you in just a moment. Unfortunately because this book has been damaged quite badly, we won’t be able to have it in our collection any more. The replacement cost will be [dollar amount]; are you able to pay now or should I send an invoice out?”

Patron: “Oh, it was like that when I took it out!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’d never loan something in that condition, and as it was on your membership, you are liable for the damage done to it while on loan.”

Patron: “I didn’t do it! You can’t prove I did it! It must have been the person before me! I won’t pay! It’s been like that for ages.”

Me: “Ma’am, this is a new book. We only got it last month and the only person to have it before you was I. And I can assure you, I didn’t spill coffee on this book.”

(There is a long pause.)

Patron: “Um, how much was it?”

(I work at a pharmacy that has a drive-thru. We do flu shots and they are in high demand. We have never administered a flu shot at the drive-thru. A customer drives up to the window in her mini-van.)

Me “Good afternoon! What can I help you with today?”

Customer: “I would like to get the flu shot. Can you hurry? Because I have things to do.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but you will have to come inside for us to administer the shot. It won’t take more than five minutes.”

Customer: “No! I don’t want to get out of my car. I’m in a hurry; I’m the customer and you have to do what I say, so you have to do it from here!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s against the rules to do it at the drive-thru. I don’t think it would be very sanitary and I wouldn’t even be able to reach you from this window. You will need to come in. I promise it won’t take long.”

(The customer puts her car into gear, so I figure she is coming inside so I close the window and walk away. As I walk away I hear a blaring car horn so I go back to the window.)

Customer: “You have no right to deny me the shot! Are you trying to kill me? What if I get the flu and die? It would be your fault and you will go to jail for MURDER!”

Me: “I’m not denying you the shot, ma’am. Like I said you will have to come inside; it’s the rules. Please move so I can help the other customers.”

Customer: “NO, B****! I WANT THE SHOT RIGHT NOW AND I’M NOT COMING INSIDE! I’M NOT MOVING MY CAR UNTIL YOU HELP ME! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU ARE WASTING MY TIME! I HAVE THINGS TO DO! I AM THE CUSTOMER AND YOU HAVE TO HELP ME! GIVE IT TO ME NOW YOU LAZY B****!”

Me: “No, you need to come inside. We can not administer a shot at a drive-thru window. We have never done it that way. If you come inside I will be able to help you and it will only take minutes. Please move your car so I can help other customers.”

Customer: “NO! I’M NOT MOVING AND YOU BETTER NOT HELP ANYONE ELSE! I WAS HERE FIRST AND I DEMAND YOU GIVE ME THE SHOT FROM HERE! IF YOU DON’T GIVE ME THE SHOT I’M GOING TO HAVE YOU FIRED AND I WILL MAKE SURE YOU NEVER GET ANOTHER JOB IN THIS CITY!”

Me: “For the last time, NO! If you don’t move your car, I’m going to call the police.”

(I start helping the other customers. The customer continues to yell, flips me off, and hits the gas. That’s when I hear a loud crash. I look to see that she had put her car in reverse by accident and slammed into the car behind her!)

This story is part of the second Drive-Thru roundup!

Read the next second Drive-Thru roundup story!

Read the second Drive-Thru roundup!

(I am 20 years old. I work in a store that sells t-shirts and novelty items to tourists. Much of my job involves folding shirts. A customer comes up and rummages through my pile of freshly folded, random shirts, unfolding five or six of them and dropping them on the floor.)

Customer: “None of these shirts are the same, or in my size!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; these are shirts from the children’s section that I’m refolding. If you saw any you like, we have many of the same ones in adult—”

(The customer interrupts me as she spots my engagement ring.)

Customer: “What is that on your finger? You are too young to be married!”

Me: “It’s an engagement ring; my boyfriend of two years just proposed to me, but we don’t plan on getting married until after we finish college.”

Customer: “I can’t believe how you teens just throw marriage around like it’s nothing! You just get married so you can have pre-marital sex and babies out of wedlock! You should wait until you at least have a job! You should be ashamed!”

(The customer knocks down the rest of my shirt pile and storms out. A coworker has witnessed the entire exchange.)

Coworker: “I don’t think she thought about what she just said at all.”