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    Technically They Should Be Embarrassed

    | Italy | Bigotry, Technology, Transportation

    (I’m a woman in her 20s, and I look quite young. A group of men in their 30s have come in, having booked a minivan for a trip to the Czech Republic.)

    Me: “…and here’s your rental agreement. It states that the car is a diesel, but please check yourself at the gas station, because the computer-provided data about the cars have been known to be wrong.”

    Customer: “Do you think I’m stupid? I’m a grown-up man for God’s sake!”

    Me: “Certainly not, but such mistakes happen more often you’d like to think. I’m only saying this to avoid you having to pay for any damages, or simply having a broken car in the middle of your trip.”

    Customer: “Well, you’re a girl, so I’m not surprised you don’t know that the type of fuel the car requires is written on the gas refilling hole. I’m not surprised you know nothing about cars; it’s a man thing and requires some technical knowledge.

    Me: “Okay then. Have a nice trip and be safe!”

    (The customers go out to the parking lot. I can see them fidgeting with the remote, and have some trouble just opening the car. Once inside, I see them pushing various buttons on the radio and still not driving out of the parking lot. After several minutes, the customer I’ve spoken with comes back in.)

    Me: “Is everything okay?”

    Customer: “…I can’t find the handbrake.”

    Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 2

    | Flemington, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am a cashier at a retail store, keeping an eye on the self-checkout area. I am not supposed to ring up customers on the machines, only assist whenever there’s a problem. A woman comes up to me with a few items.)

    Customer: “Hi, you need to ring me up.”

    Me: “This is the self-checkout. The ladies over there would be happy to take you if you don’t want to use the machines.”

    Customer: “This is self-checkout?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh, I hate these self-check things. Can’t you just ring me up at that register there?”

    (She points at a computer monitor, lying on the floor near the garbage cans, with a large crack easily visible across the screen. I think she’s joking but realize she’s serious.)

    Me: “Um. No, I can’t, sorry. If you don’t want to use the self-checkout, the cashiers right behind us can—”

    Customer: “Why can’t you ring me up at that register?!”

    Me: “Well, because that’s not a register, ma’am.”

    Customer: “You don’t call that thing over there a register?”

    Me: “Nope, I call that a broken computer monitor.”

    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    Related:
    Lack of Register Does Not Register

    In-Sip-Id Conversations

    | Birmingham, AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’ve just made some drinks for a group of older customers. I call out one of the drinks. One of the customers comes over and picks up the cup.)

    Customer: “Is this my drink?”

    Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. Did you have the [drink name]?”

    Customer: “I don’t know… I think so.”

    (She walks away with the drink; about a minute passes before she returns.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but I have a dumb question.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I just want to know: how many sips do I have to take before I get to the coffee?”

    Me: “…What?”

    Customer: “Well, I’ve been sipping on this for a little bit and I still haven’t tasted coffee.”

    Me: “Well, there’s whipped cream on top… I can scoop it off for you if you’d like.”

    Customer: “Oh, no. I just wanted to know!”

    Let It All Hang Out

    204162-let-it-all-hang-out

    The ‘D’ Is Silent, The Customer Won’t Be, Part 2

    | CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    (I am working at the box office of a movie theater when a woman approaches my coworker’s window with two clearly underage sons.)

    Customer: “Hi, I want two tickets to Django Unchained.”

    Coworker: “Umm, are you going to see the movie with them?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want to see that movie.”

    Coworker: “Unfortunately, Django Unchained is an R-rated movie, and our company policy is that anyone who is under 17 years old has to be accompanied by an adult. I can’t sell you tickets for just them.”

    Customer: “What do you mean? That’s not fair. I shouldn’t have to buy a ticket for a movie I’m not going to.”

    Coworker: “No, ma’am, you would have to actually go into the theater with them.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want to see the movie! Fine then, I’ll buy a ticket for myself and then sell it to someone else in line who wants to see the movie!”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, but you can’t do that either.”

    Customer: “I’m an adult! I can do whatever I want! I’m going to buy a ticket, and I’m going to sell it to someone else!”

    Coworker: “Listen, let me get you my manager to—”

    Customer: “I don’t want to talk to your manager! You’re not going to call him!”

    Customer’s Son: “Mom, it’s okay. We really don’t need to see the movie.”

    Coworker: *into walkie-talkie* “Can I get a manager to box?”

    Customer: “I told you I don’t want to talk to your manager! Fine, I’ll just sit there with my eyes closed!”

    (She purchases three tickets and goes inside. In the time it takes the customer to walk inside, the manager, who has heard everything, has come to the customer service counter at the box office. The customer walks straight up to my manager.)

    Customer: “So, I guess YOU’RE the one I’m supposed to show THIS to.”

    (The customer shoves her entire wallet with ID in my manager’s face.)

    Customer: “See?! I’m over 17!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, that isn’t the issue.”

    Customer: “Yes it is! He told me I couldn’t buy a ticket unless I’m over 17!”

    Manager: “The issue isn’t whether or not you’re 17. The issue is that your sons cannot see the movie without you watching it with them because it is an R-rated movie.”

    Customer: “But—”

    Manager: “This is not only a company policy, which is posted all over, but also the LAW. If we sell tickets to R-rated movies to anyone underage, we can be heavily fined or worse. I would be more than willing to refund all of your tickets if you do not wish to see the movie.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand what the issue is! I’m an adult! I’M OVER 17! I guess I’ll just have to watch the movie with my eyes closed and cover my ears!”
    Related:
    The ‘D’ Is Silent, The Customer Won’t Be

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