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Grand Theft Innocence, Part 4

| Overland Park, KS, USA | Family & Kids, Technology, Underaged

(I am a customer browsing at a local game store, I witness an exchange between a mother and her young son, who appears to be about eight years old. The son is trying to get his mother to buy him a copy of ‘Call of Duty: Black Ops’.)

Son: “Mom, can we get this?”

Mother: “I’m not getting you that game.”

Son: “Pleeeaase?”

Mother: “No, it’s too graphic.”

Son: “It’s only 30 bucks!”

Mother: “Is there violence?”

Employee & I: “Yep.”

Mother: “Is there shooting?”

Employee & I: “Yep.”

Mother: “Is there blood?”

Employee & I: “Yep.”

Mother: “Then I’m not getting it for you.”

Son: “But I want it!”

Mother: “No, because you’re going to go to Uncle and tell him about how I got you Call of Duty: Black Ops, and then I’m going to be in trouble.”

Son: “I can just have Uncle turn the sound off the TV so I won’t hear any bad words.”

Mother: “What does that have to do with anything? Honey, it’s not the bad words I’m worried about, it’s the violence and shooting and blood!”

Son: “I swear I won’t tell Uncle!”

Mother: “No, I’m not getting you that game!”

Son: *sees ‘Grand Theft Auto IV’* “Can we get this?”

Mother: “That doesn’t look like the one we have at the house. Sure, I’ll get that for you…”

Grand Theft Innocence, Part 3
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 2
Grand Theft Innocence

Job Unap-para-ent

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(I am a paralegal. Paralegals are trained in the law, but they are not lawyers, and are prohibited from giving legal advice. I am also a young woman. I am helping two elderly clients when this happens.)

Me: “Hello, clients! I’m the attorney’s paralegal, and I will be assisting today.”

Client: “Oh, I see. So…”

(The client proceeds to ask a question that would clearly be the practice of law if I answered it.)

Me: “We’ll have to ask the attorney on that one. That goes out of scope for me as a paralegal.”

Client: “What do you mean? I thought you were just like him! Why can’t you answer my questions?”

Me: “I’m a paralegal, sir, not a lawyer.”

Client: “Oh. I thought that was what they called lady lawyers… paralegals.”

Me: “Um, nope. Paralegals do a lot of legal work, we set appoints, do research and writing, and a good deal of interviewing, but we don’t represent people in court or give legal advice.”

Client: “SO you’re basically a glorified secretary?”

(I breathe a deep sigh, as I have a two year degree in legal studies.)

Me: “If that helps you understand it, then yes, I suppose so.”

(Note: A paralegal is NOTHING like a secretary. NOTHING.)

Have Your Cake And Eat It

| Canada | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

(I am working the counter at a bakery. An older customer comes up to order.)

Customer: “Hi, can I get a chocolate croissant and red velvet cupcake please?”

Me: “Oh, good choices! The red velvet cupcake is my favorite. I was actually going to get one on my break.”

(I go to grab his order, and realize there’s only one cupcake left.)

Me: “Lucky you, you got the last one!”

Customer: “Oh… are you sure you don’t want it? I can get something else.”

Me: “It’s okay, sir; that’s just the luck of the draw I guess.”

(He reluctantly accepts. Once he pays for his food, he takes the cupcake and puts in on the counter.)

Customer: “For you, my dear.”

Me: “What? No sir, it’s really okay. I can always get one tomorrow!”

Customer: “Well, I’m leaving it on the counter and walking away. What you do with it is up to you. Have a good day!”

(True to his word, he leaves the store. I have to say it was the best cupcake I ever had!)

Abusing Wages



Technically They Should Be Embarrassed

| Italy | Bigotry, Technology, Transportation

(I’m a woman in her 20s, and I look quite young. A group of men in their 30s have come in, having booked a minivan for a trip to the Czech Republic.)

Me: “…and here’s your rental agreement. It states that the car is a diesel, but please check yourself at the gas station, because the computer-provided data about the cars have been known to be wrong.”

Customer: “Do you think I’m stupid? I’m a grown-up man for God’s sake!”

Me: “Certainly not, but such mistakes happen more often you’d like to think. I’m only saying this to avoid you having to pay for any damages, or simply having a broken car in the middle of your trip.”

Customer: “Well, you’re a girl, so I’m not surprised you don’t know that the type of fuel the car requires is written on the gas refilling hole. I’m not surprised you know nothing about cars; it’s a man thing and requires some technical knowledge.

Me: “Okay then. Have a nice trip and be safe!”

(The customers go out to the parking lot. I can see them fidgeting with the remote, and have some trouble just opening the car. Once inside, I see them pushing various buttons on the radio and still not driving out of the parking lot. After several minutes, the customer I’ve spoken with comes back in.)

Me: “Is everything okay?”

Customer: “…I can’t find the handbrake.”

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