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Changing His Tune

| AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

(I work at a radio station. I answer a call.)

Caller: “Yeah, what’s this song you’re playing right now?”

Me: “Why, it’s [name and title of song].”

Caller: “Well, whatever it is, it’s bull-s***! I can’t believe you’d allow such a s*** song on the air. YOU SUCK AT YOUR JOB!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir.”

Caller: “Well, there’s only one way you can fix this. Play Kick Start My Heart by Motley Crue.”

Me: “I can’t do that, sir. We don’t have that song.”

Caller: “WHY THE F*** NOT?”

Me: “We’re not a classic rock station, sir. As such, our selection of classic rock is rather limited.”

Caller: “Look, I’m the voice of the people! And the people have decided that you suck, and the music you play sucks. So PLAY MY SONG!”

Me: “As I said, sir, I can’t do that, because we don’t have it. The best I can do is pass that suggestion along to my boss, and if he agrees with you, we’ll get it. Perhaps you’d like to talk to my boss directly about this? I can transfer your call—”


(He proceeds to call me and my station a variety of names until I get tired of him and hang up. This goes on twice a day for about a month. Every time one of the popular female artists of today comes on, he’ll call me up, cuss me out, and demand to hear ‘Kick Start My Heart.’ One day, the only Motley Crue song in our library, ‘Girls, Girls, Girls,’ comes up in the playlist. I play it, and he calls.)

Caller: “So you finally decided to f****** listing to me and get Motley Crue. NOW PLAY KICK START MY HEART!”

Me: “I can’t do that, sir. We don’t have it.”

Caller: “I know you have Kick Start My Heart!”

Me: “What makes you think that?”

Caller: “Because you’re playing Girls, Girls, Girls! It’s on the same album! So if you have Girls, Girls, Girls, you’ve got to have Kick Start My Heart!”

Me: “Sir, I took your concerns to my boss. I told him that the people were demanding that we add Kick Start My Heart to our library. After a lengthy exchange, he decided the only Motley Crue song I could have is the radio single of Girls, Girls, Girls.”

(There is a lengthy silence from the other end of the line. Finally, he speaks, but instead of cussing me out, he has turned into an incredibly polite person.)

Caller: “Oh, I didn’t know that. In all that time, you were actually listening to me, and taking my concerns. Hey, you did your best and thanks for that. By the way, love your station and love your show. Keep up the good work!”

Price-Rise Of The Machines

| OH, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Technology

(We recently had a coupon printer installed that gives out coupons to customers. It says “Please take your coupon” whenever it prints.)

Coupon printer: “Please take your coupon.”


Me: “But… don’t you want your coupon? It’s good for 50 cents off a granola bar.”

Customer: “I would rather pay full price than do anything a robot tell me to!”

Filed Your Complaint



Don’t Get The Hump

| Boise, ID, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

(I work for an exotic petting zoo. Every Halloween, for several years, we set up our petting zoo at a maze. This particular year, I am in charge of answering questions people have about the animals. I am standing in front of the Bactrian camel—or two-humped camel&mdsh; because I am bottle feeding him. A guest walks up to the pen with two young boys in tow.)

Guest: “Look, kids, you see those humps? That’s where camels store all their water so they don’t get thirsty!”

Me: “Actually, sir, the camel stores fat in his humps. The reason camels can go so long without water is because their red blood cells are shaped like an oval, instead of ours which are circular. The shape allows the camel to hold more water in his bloodstream without bursting his blood cells.”

Guest: “You see, kids! I told you camels store water in their humps! Let’s go look at the llamas. Make sure they don’t spit on you!”