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Blank And Blind Judgement

| QLD, Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Technology

(It’s Saturday, our busiest day of the week. A customer comes up to me with her two children to ask for something.)

Customer: “I’m looking for an… ‘SDS card’ for my DS?”

Me: “Oh, you mean a blank SD card?”

Customer: “For storing things on?”

Me: “Yep, that’s the one.”

(I find all the SD cards we have in stock and put them out on the counter for her.)

Me: “So we have 16GB on sale for [price], and 8GB on sale for [price]. It’s probably better to go for the 16GB as it’s only $10 more and holds twice as much—”

Customer: “No, that’s not the one. I was looking for the blank game cards that you can put games on illegally.”

Me: “Um… I’m afraid we don’t sell those, because they’re illegal.”

Customer: “But my friend said she bought one at a shop in [town where we are]!”

Me: “Unfortunately a retail outlet wouldn’t be able to sell someone that product because unlike blank CDs or tapes, they don’t have a legal use, so she must have got it from the markets or a garage sale.”

Customer: “She’s not that type of person!”

Me: “I’m not judging anyone, I’m just saying it’s illegal. If I sold you one, we would get into trouble, and you could be charged with copyright infringement and piracy.”

Customer: “I’M NOT THAT SORT OF PERSON!”

Me: “…sorry?”

Customer: “YOU’RE JUDGING ME!”

(She runs out of the store with her two embarrassed kids in tow.)

Worthy Raise

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Making You Feel Washed Out

| Maple Ridge, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

(A customer has purchased a car wash.)

Customer: “I’ve never done this here before. What do I do now?”

Me: “Oh, it’s very simple. Just pull around to the entrance over there, and punch this code here into the keypad there. Then the red light will go green. Just drive in slowly until it turns red. It’ll wash your car, and when it goes green again you can go. Make sure you’ve rolled all the windows up before you go in.”

Customer: “Wait, I go in on the… red?

Me: “No, it’s just like a traffic light. Stop on the red, go on the green.”

Customer: “So, I go in when it goes…?”

Me: “When it turns green, yes. Just like a traffic light. Red means stop, green means go.”

Customer: “What do I do when it’s red?”

Me: “You stop. The brushes move around you, and when it’s done, the light will go green again, and you can go.”

Customer: “So I stop on the red, and go on the green? No, wait, that’s not right…”

Me: “No, that’s right. It’s JUST like a traffic light. When it turns green you drive in; when it turns red you stop.”

Customer: “So, I… go in when it’s green?”

Me: “Yup! Green means go. They both start with G’s, so it’s easy to remember.”

Customer: “Oh, okay! So green means go. Okay! But then red means…?”

Me: “Red means stop. Just like a traffic light.”

(The customer goes, clutching her code and repeating ‘Green means go, red means stop’ under her breath. Sure enough, she runs into trouble, and we have to go out and help her. The worst part is that SHE DROVE HERE.)

A Drink Of Fire And Ice

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Me: “Would you like your drink hot or iced today, sir?”

Customer: “Hmm?”

Me: “You have the option of having your drink hot or over ice.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Do you want your drink iced or hot?”

Customer: “I don’t know what that means.”

Out Of Gas And Out Of Patience

| MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Transportation

(It is the winter in the 70s, when people get their gas ration for the week according to the last number on the license plate. It is around 6am, and I need to drive to the gas station, get around the line of cars waiting, and open the pump. A customer in line starts shouting at me.)

Customer: “Hey! Kid! Quit cutting in the d*** line! I’ve been here an hour in this d*** cold! You can get your d*** gas when I’m done!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’ve just got to—”

Customer: “Don’t give me that; quit cutting in the line! Get to the back!”

(The customer proceeds to block his car in. I get out and walk to the pump. Other customers greet me by name, ask about the family, etc. Soon the irate customer pulls up to the pump.)

Customer: “Fill it.”

Me: *hangs the handle up* “I’m sorry, we’re out.”

Customer: “But I’ve been sitting here running my car!”

Me: “You should have thought of that before I had to walk up. Other customers used more gas, too. See you next week!”

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