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    Thinking Outside The Box, Part 4

    | IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    Customer: “I want to buy an iron.”

    Me: “Okay, our irons are right here. Is there something specific that you’re looking for?”

    Customer: “Oh, nothing too fancy; it’s a gift. This one looks good, but I’d like you to open it to make sure that everything is inside.”

    Me: “No problem.”

    (I open the box, show the customer the iron and manual, put everything back, and close the box back up. It looks the same as it did before I opened the box.)

    Customer: “Oh, great, thanks.”

    (The customer puts the iron back on the shelf. It’s the only one of its kind on the shelf, but on the very top shelf is another one. The customer points to the unopened box on the top shelf.)

    Customer: “Can you hand me that one right there?”

    Me: “Okay, would you like me to open that box, as well?”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want to give my niece an open box for her wedding!”

    Me: “Pardon me, but if I opened that box to make sure that the iron and manual were inside, wouldn’t it make sense to open that other box, as well?”

    (The customer looks blank.)

    Me: “I mean, how do you know that the iron and manual are going to be in that box up there?”

    Customer: “Because I opened a box.”

    Me: “But not that one up top.”

    Customer: “I. Opened. A. Box.”

    Me: *giving up* “Here, let me get you that iron…”

    Related:
    Thinking Outside The Box, Part 3
    Thinking Outside The Box, Part 2

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 21

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I need a $500 money order.”

    Me: “Okay. It’s $501.20.”

    Customer: *hands over $7 cash*

    Me: “You’re still $494.20 short.”

    Customer: “What? What do you mean?”

    Me: “We need $500, plus $1.20 for processing the money order.”

    Customer: “This isn’t enough?”

    Me: “Sorry, a $500 money order costs $500.”

    Customer: “Oh. I didn’t know that.”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 20
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 19
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 18
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 17
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

    A Nasty Mood Swing

    | NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I am a cashier at a home improvement store. A customer comes to my register pushing a cart with several heavy items in it.)

    Me: “Hi there, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Oh, just fine, thank you!”

    (We make small talk as I ring the customer up. She has been perfectly nice so far.)

    Me: “Do you want a hand loading your stuff?”

    Customer: “Yes, thank you. It was hard to get these in the cart!”

    Me: “Sure thing! I’ll page for one of the loaders. He’ll be right over.”

    (As I finish running the customer’s credit card through and hand her the receipt, she says something, but she mumbles and I don’t quite hear her.)

    Me: “Sorry, say again?”

    (The customer’s demeanor instantly changes from pleasant to furious.)

    Customer: “I SAID, Should I wait for the loading man HERE? Or I should I go and wait by the DOOR?”

    (I’m baffled by the mood swing, but I smile and put on my best cheerful voice.)

    Me: “Oh, it doesn’t matter! He’ll be here in just a minute and there’s no line, so you can wait right here if you don’t want to push the cart over to the door.”

    Customer: “Did I do something to you? Have I insulted you or your family?”

    Me: “Not… that I’m aware of…?”

    Customer: “I just asked a question and you’re being so NASTY to me! I don’t know why you had to be so rude just to answer my question!”

    Me: “I’m not being rude. I’m being matter-of-fact. It doesn’t matter if you wait right here or if you wait by the—”

    Customer: “You are so NASTY!”

    (The loading guy appears.)

    Loading Guy: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes! You can take my things to my car and get me AWAY from this girl! She is so NASTY, I don’t know how you stand her!”

    (The loading guy shoots me a bewildered look, and walks out with the customer, who is still shouting about how nasty I am. He comes back in a couple minutes later.)

    Loading Guy: “What the f*** was that?”

    Me: “H*** if I know. I’m so glad I’m off tomorrow.”

    Magic-Touch-Phone

    | Australia | Health & Body, Religion, Technology

    Customer: “I want to return this phone; it won’t turn on.”

    (I turn on the phone, and it works perfectly.)

    Me: “Hmm, seems to be turning on just fine.”

    Customer: “I’ve been doing that all yesterday, and it didn’t work! You must have magic hands or something.”

    Me: “That’s the only explanation I can think of. I should use my powers for good and go out and use my magic touch to heal things like leprosy.”

    Lady: *in all seriousness* “Oh no, I don’t have that.”

    Drinking Responsibly

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Underaged

    (While perusing the selection of beer at my local grocery store, I cannot help but notice the enormous, brightly-colored signs posted on every available surface which proclaim: “WE CARD EVERYONE”. After choosing what I want, I head for the checkout, being sure to get my ID out along with my credit card.)

    Me: “Just this, thanks.”

    (The employee looks at me nervously. I’m 29, but look a good bit younger.)

    Employee: “Now because this is alcoholic, ma’am, I am going to need to see your ID.”

    Me: “Of course, got it right here.”

    (The employee blinks in surprise, then smiles enormously and happily rings up my six-pack of hard cider.)

    Me: “Do people really give you that hard a time about this? You have huge red and yellow signs EVERYWHERE. Not to mention it’s kind of, you know, the law?”

    Employee: “Honey, you have no idea. Thank you for being smart. Here’s your receipt, and I hope you really enjoy that!”

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