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    Archive for 2013

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    These Customers Come But Once A Year

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Crazy Requests, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (The restaurant I work at is closed Thanksgiving and Christmas, and has been doing so for 20 years. Every year, we get at least one call the day after each complaining. It is December 26th.)

    Caller: “Hi. I tried coming to your restaurant yesterday but the lights were all out, the doors were locked, and nobody answered your phones!”

    Me: “We were closed yesterday.”

    Caller: “But you guys are never closed on Christmas!”

    Me: “Sir, we’ve been closed on Christmas and Thanksgiving every year since we opened.”

    Caller: “Liar! I DEMAND to speak to your manager!”

    Me: “Sir, I am currently the only one in right now. I can give you the owner’s number if you like.”

    Caller: “NO! I DON’T WANT TO SPEAK TO THE OWNER! I WANT A MANAGER!”

    Me: “I am the manager on duty. If you call back at about 11, the mid-shift manager will be in and you can speak with him if you don’t want to speak to me.”

    Caller: “I want free food because you people locked the doors and wouldn’t let me in yesterday!”

    Me: “Sir, I can’t give you free food because you came by on one of the two days of the year we are closed.”

    Caller: “Why the h*** not?”

    Me: “Do you work somewhere that closes on certain days?”

    Caller: “Yeah! I work for the bank!”

    Me: “So, if I called in on a Monday and demanded free services because I had come by the Sunday before and you were closed, what would you do?”

    Caller: “I would laugh at you and hang up.”

    Me: “Well, then, I guess that’s as good a plan as any.”

    (I laugh at him and hang up.)

    The Argument Crumbles Like A Cookie

    | Stockholm, Sweden | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It is early November.)

    Customer: “Do you have any gingerbread cookies?”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am. We don’t.”

    Customer: “Why would you not even have gingerbread cookies?”

    Me: “Sorry, but we haven’t even started making them yet this year.”

    Customer: “What? Why the f*** not?”

    Me: “Because here at [Shop's Name], we like to follow the traditions and not start baking Christmas cookies until Christmas time.”

    Customer: “Ah, I see! I’m glad to hear that you follow the traditions. All shops should be like you. I don’t get it why people just can’t wait these days. Everyone is just so d*** greedy!” *wanders off*

    It’s Beginning To Smell A Lot Like Christmas

    | USA | Bizarre, Holidays, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s three days before Christmas. A teenage girl is dragging her boyfriend around the store making him smell everything. She’s obviously stressed out by last minute holiday shopping.)

    Girl: “Um… I need… um… Here! Smell this. Is is good for [Name]?”

    Boyfriend: “Babe, I’m not picking out what your friends smell like. They’re all minors. That’s creepy.”

    Girl: “Please? Most of them are 18 now.”

    Boyfriend: *sighs and sniffs* “Smells great.”

    Girl: “Okay. And now, for my sister. This one?”

    Boyfriend: “Come on, hun. Just pick out whatever and let’s get you something to eat.”

    Girl: “I have to smell these people!”

    Boyfriend: “You do this every year, babe. Why didn’t you start shopping two weeks ago?”

    Girl: “Because I’m a procrastinator! It took me two years to realize you liked me!”

    (The boyfriend looks a little intimidated so I step in and help the girl pick out gifts for the other six people on her list. They leave, the girl still stressing over other presents.)

    Me: “Thank you for coming!”

    Girl: “You too! Wait… Shoot. I mean happy holidays?”

    Boyfriend: “Sorry. We’re going to go get her some sugar now.”

    (The boyfriend comes back the next day to pick out a gift for his girlfriend and specifically requests me. I get a $20 tip and the humorous details of the rest of his shopping experience from the previous day!)

    Man banned from all Walmarts for life

    Good Morning America’ reports an Arizona man is now banned for life from Walmarts worldwide. Joe Cantrell said he was trying to get a price matched at the store, and an associate told him it wasn’t allowed. He complained to management and left. When he returned a few days later, Cantrell was handcuffed and charged with threatening, intimidation and disorderly conduct. KTAR reports that a Walmart spokesman said the associate felt threatened.

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    Customer Engagement At An All Time High

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