(My daughter is running around with a rubber knife from her kitchen playset.)

Daughter: “Mama, come here! I want to tell you something.”

(I go over and kneel down in front of her.)

Me: “What is it, sweetie?”

(My daughter gets up close, and talks in the creepiest whisper imaginable.)

Daughter: “Mama, the Lannisters send their regards…”

(She leans in and starts poking me in the chest with her knife.)

Daughter: “Now you die! Die! Die!”

Me: “Was Daddy letting you watch Game of Thrones?”

(My daughter nods. I turn to my husband.)

Me: “You. Explain this. Now.”

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(A discount big-box store has just opened up a block from my job. I get to work very early one day, and decide to swing by and check it out. The prices are very good so I pick up a few things, but I lose track of time. By the time I get to the register, I’m cutting it a little close to get to work on time.)

Cashier: “That’s [price], and you even get a coupon for your next visit!”

Me: “That’s really great, thanks!”

Cashier: “Do you have our rewards card?”

Me: “No.”

Cashier: “Would you like to sign up? It’s free.”

Me: “Can I sign up online or something? I’d love to have the card, but I’m really running short on time.”

Cashier: “No, I’m sorry; I don’t think you can do that.”

Me: “Oh, okay, I’ll just sign up the next time I’m in.”

(I take my purchases and leave. A few days later I get off work early and so am able to stop in without time constraint. I get a couple more things and go to the register to be checked out.)

Cashier #2: “Do you have our rewards card?”

Me: “No, can I sign up here?”

Cashier #2: “Sure, I can have you fill out the form here, or you can do it online at your convenience.”

Me: *facepalm*

(This happened more than 75 years ago, which goes to prove small children haven’t changed much over the years. My father is three years old. He has been taught that if he wants a cookie from the cookie jar, he has to ask someone first. As a result, my grandmother finds him with his hand in the cookie jar, speaking to himself.)

Father: “Have a cookie, Billy!” *pause* “Okay!”

Client: “I’m 90 years old, and when I came downstairs this morning there was a cat with five kittens in my kitchen! What should I do? I can’t look after these kittens; I’m 90!”

Me: “Have you tried asking your neighbours if anyone recognises the cat?”

Client: “Yes, yes, I tried that.”

Me: “You could try phoning the [well-known animal charity]?”

Client: “I’m not doing that!”

Me: “Oh, okay. Do you mind if I ask why not?”

Client: “I phoned them once because I had a fox come through my cat flap! They refused to come out and get it, so it ended up staying for three months!”

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(I’m in my first semester of college. I’ve just had my first midterm, and unfortunately I’ve also caught a cold and am not quite thinking straight. I’m at the check out line with my groceries when I realize I’ve left my credit card back at the dorm.)

Me: *quietly embarrassed* “I forgot my credit card back at the dorm. I’m really sorry; I can’t buy these right now.”

Cashier: “Oh, don’t worry about it. We’ll just put them back.”

Me: “I really am sorry.”

Cashier: “Don’t worry about it; it’s okay. I’m sorry you can’t get these right now.”

(At this point, the customer in line behind me speaks up.)

Customer: “Just put them on mine.”

Me: *shocked* “What?”

Customer: “I’ll pay for them; don’t worry.”

Me: “You don’t have to. It’s my own fault.”

Customer: “It’s okay, really. My mother, father, brother, and I all went to [nearby college] at the same time. I have five kids. I would have wanted someone do to this for me.”

(At this point I’m near tears. She pays for my groceries and I thank her profusely. She and the cashier talk to me about my majors and tell me to study hard, which I assure them I will. Thank you, random lady, for helping me out when I made a stupid mistake! The world needs more kind people like you!)