(This happened more than 75 years ago, which goes to prove small children haven’t changed much over the years. My father is three years old. He has been taught that if he wants a cookie from the cookie jar, he has to ask someone first. As a result, my grandmother finds him with his hand in the cookie jar, speaking to himself.)
Father: “Have a cookie, Billy!” *pause* “Okay!”
(I am exchanging a Blu-ray disc I received as a gift for the DVD version, which is a couple of dollars cheaper. Company policy states that a gift card is issued when a gift receipt is used in an exchange or return. There is a law in California that says a gift card valued under $10 may be redeemed for cash, and I happened to work at a different location of the store when the law went into effect a few years prior.)
Service Rep: “Since there is a difference in price, you’ll be receiving a gift card with the difference.”
Me: “Could I just get the cash? A gift card with less than $2 on it doesn’t do me any good.”
Service Rep: “Sorry, we only distribute gift cards. It’s rude to know how much somebody spent on your gift, you know.”
Me: “If I didn’t want to know, I wouldn’t have picked up the movie myself. I know that the difference is less than $2. If I get the gift card, I’m just going to redeem it for the cash anyways.”
Service Rep: “Nope, sorry, we can’t give you cash for a gift receipt. It’s against policy.”
Me: “Actually, you can give cash.”
(I start to explain the process before being interrupted.)
Service Rep: “No! We can’t do it. If you want the difference, you have to get it as a gift card.”
Me: *giving up* “Fine, I’ll take the gift card.”
Service Rep: “Is there anything else I can do for you today?”
Me: “Yes, I have a gift card here that has less than $2 on it, and I would like to redeem it for cash. Can I do that here?
Service Rep: “Of course!”
(We have a variety of animals, such as reptiles. Some reptiles require crickets as a main staple of their diet. Most people buy more than they need, and keep them in containers with special foods and drinks to feed the crickets to keep them alive. I receive a phone call.)
Me: “[Pet Store], can I help you?”
Caller: “Yeah I have a question about the [Brand] cricket food. Do you know which one I’m talking about?”
Me: “Yes I do.”
Caller: “Well my 17-year-old son ate some, and I was wondering if it was safe for human consumption?”
Me: “C-come again?”
Caller: “My 17-year-old son ate some, and I was wondering if it was safe for human consumption?”
Me: “To be honest, I’m not entirely sure. Let me look at the ingredients real quick.”
(I go to read the label on the jar, and there are no indications on the label that it would be harmful to people.)
Me: “Well, I read the ingredients and I don’t really see anything on here that would make him sick.”
Caller: “Is this something we should call the doctor about?”
Me: “I honestly don’t know, but I would definitely keep an eye on him and see if he seems fine.”
Caller: “Well, he’s fine, but he’s got diarrhea.”
Me: “That’s probably why.”
Caller: “Oh.”
Me: “I don’t know what else to tell you other to keep an eye on him; I’ve never been asked about that before.”
Caller: “Okay, well we’ll let you know. Thank you for the help.”
(I texted my coworker and boss later. Apparently in their years of experience, that was a first for them, too.)
(My five year old is disappointed because I told her that we can’t go to the park until I do dishes and put away laundry.)
Daughter: “You know what we need, Mommy?”
Me: “What’s that?”
Daughter: “A robot.”
Me: “I’m sorry, what? Why do we need a robot?”
Daughter: “It could do the dishes, and walk the dog, and cook dinner for you!”
Me: “Wow, that sounds great.”
Daughter: “Yeah! And it could change the baby’s diaper, and clean the cat’s litter box, and even rake the leaves!”
Me: “I wish we did have a robot like that; it would make things much easier for me.”
Daughter: “And you know what else? It could even snuggle with Daddy at night so he doesn’t crush you!”
(My husband has PTSD, and sometimes thrashes or rolls over on me in his sleep.)
Me: “Oh… but then where would I sleep?”
Daughter: “With me, of course!”
(I work for a very successful low-budget airline. On this particular day, there is an air traffic control strike, which has caused an hour delay to the flight. One passenger has been kicking off at everything since he has got on board. He’s also traveling with his kids. We are in the air, doing the food service. We have run out of a popular sandwich that he wanted four of.)
Passenger: “This is f****** ridiculous! I’ve paid for a f****** sandwich!”
Colleague: “I’m terribly sorry about that, sir. Is there a different sandwich I could get you, or would you like a refund?”
Passenger: “I don’t like any off the other f****** sandwiches. I wanted a [sandwich] and you don’t have it, so you can f*** off!”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Unfortunately, we can’t guarantee availability. Here’s your money back for the sandwich. Can I get you anything else?”
Passenger: “You can f*** off, f****** mugging me off! I’ve just been charged five f****** pounds for a [soft drink]!”
(The sandwiches come as part of a deal where if you buy a soft drink, you get a free packet of crisps. As the sandwiches had been put through our machine already, the customer in question is actually up on the deal, having still gotten the free items.)
Colleague: “If I can just take you through your receipt, sir, you’ll see you are actually up on the deal…”
Passenger: “F*** you! You’re s***, and [Airline] is s***! F*** off, you f****** c***, and get back to your poxy little job!”
(At this point my colleague’s eyes are watering. I go to get a manager. When we get back, despite having moved the trolley to serve the rest of the cabin, the passenger is still kicking off.)
Manager: “No! You do not talk like that to my crew, and you do not swear on board this aircraft. There are kids on board!”
Passenger: “They’re my f****** kids, so f*** off!”
Manager: “There are other kids around you. Do not swear in front of them, and don’t swear at us, sir. We are trying to help you.”
(At this point, I’ve spoken to the captain to explain what’s going on. We arrange to have the police meet the aircraft, not to have him arrested, but to speak to him and make him realise that his behaviour is not acceptable. The captain then does a PA to say that abuse against staff will not be tolerated. Other passengers are getting involved at this point, backing us up, but the passenger continues to shout and swear…)
Passenger: “F***** discrimination, that’s what it is! If I ran a business like this, it would f****** go under!”
(He continues until we land. As everyone is disembarking, the captain comes out and approaches the passenger…)
Captain: “Mr. [Name]? Nice to meet you. I have someone I’d like to introduce you to…”
(He passed him to the biggest police officer I have ever seen. The passenger went white as he got off the plane. The best bit? The police ran a check on his name and it turned out he was a wanted man, and he ended up being arrested! If he’d just kept his mouth shut, then he wouldn’t have been arrested!)
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