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    Just Good Customer Service

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    Her Heart Is Just Not In It

    Loco Nuts

    | AR, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (A customer sits down at the bar and proceeds to wave her arms at me as if I cannot see her.)

    Customer: “Um, hi! Bartenderrrr! Hi! I need to order a drink!”

    Me: “Okay. Let me finish taking this order and I’ll be right with you.”

    Customer: “Okayyy, but I’m really thirstyyy!”

    (The customer and her friends giggle as if it’s the first time I’ve heard anyone say this. I finish with the order and walk over to her.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I really, really, really want something fun and fruity. How about a Malibu and pineapple? Ooooh, and do you have cherry juice? I love cherry juice!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. We have grenadine. Give me one moment and I’ll get that for you.”

    (I go to make her drink. It’s one and a quarter ounce of Malibu, which is a coconut rum, three ounces of pineapple juice, and a splash of grenadine. I hand her the drink. She squeals when she sees that I’ve poked the straw through a cherry.)

    Customer: “That’s just adorrrable!”

    (I walk over to aid another customer, but the original customer calls me back.)

    Customer: “Oh, my god! UGH! Bartender! BarrrrrTENDER!”

    Me: “Yes? Is something wrong?”

    Customer: “Oh my GODDDD! I cannot drink this. You put coconut in this! I hate coconut! I didn’t ask for coconut!”

    Me: “Wait. I thought you said Malibu?”

    Customer: “I DID. But you put something with coconut in it. Do you even know what you’re doing?”

    (I try to explain that Malibu is a coconut rum, but the customer isn’t listening.)

    Customer: “I want a new drink… Now! Remake this without the coconut!”

    Me: “If you want, I can make that drink with white rum instead of coconut rum.”

    Customer: “Yes! Just a Malibu and Pineapple with the cherry juice. But no coconut! I hate coconut! Just Malibu, pineapple juice, and cherries! NO COCONUT!”

    (I ignore the fact that she’s talking to me as if I’m five. I make the drink with white rum and hand it to her.)

    Customer: “Oh, my God. This is so much better. You should have just made it like this the first time. I don’t blame you, though. Don’t worry, honey. I can tell you’re new with drinks.”

    (The customer drinks a few, and pays her bill.)

    Customer: “You really should be careful. People could be allergic to things, you know. Imagine if I had a coconut allergy! Oh, you just need to pay ATTENTION. You could save somebody’s life!”

    (I smiled through gritted teeth and watched her walk out the door. When she finally left, the remaining bar guests gave me a round of applause. I bowed.)

    What Would Jesus Discount?, Part 2

    , | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Religion

    (I decide to visit my old work on the off-hours for a quick bite to eat. I am served by a new cashier.)

    Cashier: “Okay. That will be $11.89. Press the confirm button to make sure your order is correct.”

    (I go to press confirm when this occurs at the same time.)

    Cashier: “Do yo—”

    Me: “Do you want any sauce with that?”

    Cashier: “Uh…”

    Me: “Did I just ask you if you wanted sauce?”

    Cashier: “Yup. You sound like you’d be fit for this place.”

    Me: “I worked the day shift.”

    Cashier: “Uh, well. Okay.”

    Me: “I need to get out of the food service industry.”

    Cashier: “Hey, at least you didn’t scream ‘THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT!’”

    (A few minutes pass. Another customer goes to order. She proceeds to yell at the cashier seconds after she finished placing her order. Having several years of bad customers under my belt I was pretty sure I could handle this one, even though I didn’t work there anymore.)

    Me: “Pardon me, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “THIS CASHIER OF YOURS SCREWED UP MY ORDER! I WANT MY FOOD FOR FREE, AS IT’S THE CHRISTIAN THING TO DO!”

    (I see that this customer has ordered the food via a self-service order screen. The employee just reads the screen and then hands out the order.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I find it hard to believe that this cashier managed to screw up an order that is entirely dependent on the customer’s order screen.”

    Customer: “Don’t you dare talk back to me! It isn’t the Christian thing to do! God will ha—”

    Me: “Pardon me for a second, but I don’t understand you. While I might not be Christian, you claim talking back to you is not Christian. I’m not sure at what point you manage to assume a role higher than God to be able to dictate what is and isn’t ‘Christian.’ In fact just by doing that you are breaking two of the seven deadly sins! I’m sure that isn’t the CHRISTIAN thing to do.”

    Customer: “You’ll burn in Hell for this! I’ll make sure of it!”

    Me: “But isn’t that conspiring with the D—”

    Customer: “F*** YOU!”

    (The customer proceeds to run out of the building.)

    Cashier: “Wow…”

    Me: “The sad part is, she is a regular here and has been pulling that for months. Well, you had your weird customer, and your first ‘Not Always Right.’ I guess its time for your first tip.”

    Cashier: “This has been a long night…”

    (The cashier and I have been best friends ever since. That was her first day working there. Thankfully, she never saw the lady again.)

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    What Would Jesus Discount?

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