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    , , | UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Technology, Top

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]; can I take your order please?”

    (The customer asks for an item from the promotion that finished last week.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; that promotion has finished.”

    Customer: “I want a [finished promotion item], like on the TV.”

    Me: “We do not have that item anymore I’m afraid.”

    (The customer once again demands the item, saying it slowly and separates the words like I don’t understand what he has asked for. Again, I tell him that the item is no longer on the menu, and he proceeds to ask me for it another three times.)

    Me: “Sir, the burger you’re requesting is no longer available. We now have [new promotional item] instead. Would you like one of those?”

    Customer: “No! Listen to me woman: I want a [ended promotion item]! If you can’t do your job, get someone who can on the line! Stupid f****** b****!”

    (My manager has walked in to see what the hold up is. He is also wearing a headset, and has heard everything. He waves his hand at me to turn my microphone off, and he takes over.)

    Manager: “Sir, the item you are requesting is no longer available; instead, we have [new promo item].”

    Customer: “Why is this so hard to f*****g understand!? I want a [ended promo item]! I want it as a large meal with a chocolate milkshake!”

    Manager: “That item is no longer available.”

    Customer: “Then why are you still f****** advertising it on the TV!?”

    Manager: “We’re not, sir.”

    (The customer huffs loudly after shouting several curse words at my manager, speeding past the drive thru window with his middle finger up. I’m shaking from stress, and on the verge of tears. I don’t deal with immense pressure very well, so my manager lets me go on a break. I return to the window after my break. After a few cars, the same customer from before drives up again. Reluctant to deal with him, I call over my manager, who takes the microphone.)

    Manager: “Welcome to [store name].”

    (The customer looks very shaken on the camera.)

    Customer: “Ey er… is that girl I was talking to still there?”

    Manager: “Yes she is here next to me; why do you ask?”

    Customer: “Can you put her on the microphone, please?”

    (My manager looks at me, and I nod a little, activating my microphone.)

    Me: “Yes, what would you like, sir?”

    Customer: “Listen, I’m so sorry about earlier. It turns out I was watching a pre-recorded TV show. Can I have [order], and add a large meal on top for yourself and your boss; I’ll pay for it!”

    Has No Propensity For History

    | Gettysburg, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, History, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m working behind the register counter that has glass display cases of knives, wallets, etc. Some are engraved with CSA—Confederate States of America, and USA—for the Union.)

    Customer: *running up to the counter* “Oooh! Knives! Wait, what does ‘CSA’ mean?”

    Me: “It stands for ‘Confederate States of America.’ Did you want to have a look?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want to buy. But, the Confederate states are the North, right?!”

    Me: “No, not at all… ”

    Customer: “Oh, oh well. But you know what’s strange? All these battles happened in national parks!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “I guess that just made it easier to hide behind the monuments!”

    Me: “I have to get back to work; have a nice day.”

    (I get back to folding and stocking while the customer walks out with the smuggest look on their face, like they just gave me a history lesson.)

    Dial Down The Crazy

    | USA | Bizarre, Top

    (I work at a large call center for a major credit card company. About once a month, our managers sit with us and listen in on calls to help improve customer service.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]; my name is [me]. May I have your name?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “…alright, well do you have your account number, so I can assist you today?”

    Caller: “I don’t carry that with me.”

    Me: “Well then, how can I help today?”

    Caller: “I don’t know; you called me.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I didn’t call you.”

    Caller: “Yes, you did. How else would I be talking to you?”

    Me: “Ma’am did you dial our number?”

    Caller: “Well, yeah.”

    Me: “So technically you called us.”

    Caller: “No I didn’t!”

    Me: “Okay, how can I help?”

    Caller: “I guess you can’t.”

    (The caller hangs up, and I look at my manager.)

    Me: “Did that really happen?”

    Manager: “I have no words.”

    The Flight Of His Wife Is The Fright Of His Life

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (I am closing the ticket counter for the night. Our airline believes very strongly on flights leaving on time, and as such have a strict 30 minute cutoff policy. Anyone arriving at less than 30 minutes to departure will not be allowed to check in. It is 27 minutes to the last flight’s departure, and a man comes running to the counter, where my coworker and her trainee are still at an open computer.)

    Passenger: “I need to check in for this flight!”

    Coworker: “I am really sorry, sir, but unfortunately you are too late to make your flight. I will be glad to rebook you for a flight tomorrow. May I see your ID?”

    Passenger: “What do you mean I’m too late? The flight doesn’t leave until 9 pm!”

    Trainee: “Yes sir, but we have a 30 minute cutoff for check in, and it’s 8:33 pm.”

    Passenger: “It’s only three minutes!”

    Trainee: “Yes sir, but you still have to get through security. We want the other 131 passengers on the plane to leave on time.”

    Coworker: “I’m very sorry, sir, but it is too late. Like I said, I would be glad to book you on a different flight tomorrow.”

    Passenger: “Your airline is stupid! I got your stupid credit card because I thought you would respect loyalty! It’s the last flight of the night and I’m going to be f****** stuck here until tomorrow!”

    (The passenger continues to get increasingly angry and starts yelling obscenities. Everyone around, including the employees of airlines next to us, are staring. He is waving the credit card around.)

    Passenger: “Fine! Rebook me for tomorrow! And give me that stapler!”

    (My coworker hands him the stapler. The passenger uses the stapler to split the credit card in half, then throws the pieces at my coworker.)

    Passenger: “I will never fly your airline again!”

    Coworker: “Sir, I have been trying to help you, but I won’t take this kind of abuse. Now, if you want me to continue, I will need you to stop. Also, I would like to inform you that your flight was actually for tomorrow.”

    Passenger: *suddenly quiet* “Oh. My wife was supposed to call and change that.”

    Coworker: “Well, she didn’t. Do you still want me to rebook you?”

    Passenger: “Never mind. I’ll just call.” *leaves*

    Trainee: “Wow.”

    How To Train Your Customer

    | Nanuet, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (A shipment of bearded dragons has just arrived at the store, and I’m placing them into the designated habitat when a customer walks up.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, what are those?”

    Me: “They’re baby bearded dragons.”

    Customer: “Are those considered lizards or dragons?”

    Me: “Uhh… they’re lizards, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh. Okay.” *walks off disappointed*

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