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    Price-Rise Of The Machines, Part 2

    | AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Technology

    (A customer is paying for her order at the cash register.)

    Manager: “Will that be debit or credit?”

    Customer: “Debit.”

    Manager: “Would you like to leave a tip?”

    Customer: “HOW DARE YOU! If I wanted to leave a tip, I would have left it on the table. That is so rude of you to ask!”

    Manager: “No, ma’am, that’s not what I mean. The computer is asking if you want to leave a tip.”

    Customer: “Oh, so computers talk now, huh? Just like how the roof talks. And the floors, too. You’re just full of it!”

    Price-Rise Of The Machines

    Old And Bitter


    A Welsh of Knowledge, Part 2

    | Wales, UK | Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    Tourist: “Oh, nice! This is a bona fide English castle!”

    Me: “Actually, sir, it’s not. Wales is not part of England.”

    Tourist: “What? Oh, come on! You both drive on the wrong side of the road; it’s the same! Your capital is London.”

    Me: “Er, no, sir. It’s Cardiff.”

    Tourist: “Well, but Wales is just a state of England, like Philadelphia in the States.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but England doesn’t have states; it has counties, and Wales is not one of them. We have our own counties. Moreover sir, Philadelphia is a city, not a state.”

    Tourist: “Don’t embarrass yourself, kid. You don’t even know about England even though you’re English, so please don’t bring up America; leave it to us.”

    Me: “No, sir, I’m not English. I’m Welsh; not quite the same. And Philadelphia is still not a state anyway.”

    Tourist: “I’m American! I know what I’m talking about!”

    (One of the tourists friends comes over.)

    Tourist’s Friend: “I’m sorry for his behavior; you must think all ‘Yanks’ are ignorant.”

    Me: “No, not at all. Most ‘Yanks’ that come here are actually very polite and knowledgeable, and they really like Wales.”

    Tourist: “You mean England!”

    A Welsh Of Knowledge

    Doesn’t Make A Lycan Sense

    | USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Pets & Animals

    (We get a lot of kids at the library where I work. One of our regular customers, who’s about eight years old, walks up to me.)

    Customer: “[My name], I have an important question.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Are werewolves real?”

    Me: “Nope, werewolves are made up.”

    (He looks taken aback, like that wasn’t the response he was expecting.)

    Customer: “What?! But, but wolves are real!”

    Me: “Right. But wolves are wolves, and people are people.

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “If you’re born a wolf, you’re a wolf for the rest of your life. If you’re born a person, you’ll stay a person. So since you were born a person, you’ll never turn into a wolf.”

    (The customer thinks about this for a minute.)

    Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense!”

    (The customer walks away, slowly shaking his head.)

    Rent Is More Important

    , | New York, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem

    Me: “Good afternoon, ticket central.”

    Customer: “Your website is the worst.”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, ma’am. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want help.”

    Me: “Clearly. Would you like me to help you purchase tickets to a specific show?”

    Customer: “Yes. I guess.”

    Me: “What play?”


    Me: “I apologize, ma’am. The entire run of Belleville is sold-out.”

    Customer: “No it isn’t.”

    Me: “Yes. It is.”

    Customer: “Says who?”

    Me: “Says me.”


    Me: “Ma’am, there’s nothing I can do. The play is sold-out, and I would suggest that you calm down as tickets to an off-Broadway play aren’t nearly as important as things like a roof over one’s head or food on one’s table.”

    Customer: “MAYBE FOR YOU!” *click*

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