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    Visiting The 51st State

    | UK | Money, Theme Of The Month, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m the cashier at a small grocery store. An American customer approaches my till with a pint of milk.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, can I get this milk cheaper? It’s cheaper in America.”

    Me: “Uhh, sorry. We can’t change the prices for something like that.”

    Customer: “Why not? I’m not paying that much for milk. Everything is way too expensive over here!”

    Me: “If we changed the prices for everyone simply because they thought it would be too expensive, then we’d probably not stay in business very long!”

    Customer: *sighs* “FINE.”

    (She slams the milk jug down on the till, and I finish the transaction.)

    Me: “Okay, that’s £1.89 please.”

    (The customer sighs dramatically again, and hands me a $10 bill. I stare at it.)

    Customer: “What?”

    (I am thinking she hasn’t realized what she’s given to me. By this point there are a few customers queuing at my checkout.)

    Me: “It’s one pound, and 89 pence.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “We can’t accept dollars here.”

    Customer: “WHY NOT?”

    Me: “We don’t accept foreign currency. Just pounds.”

    Customer: “I’M NOT FOREIGN; I’M AMERICAN! THIS IS A DISGRACE!”

    (She ends up leaving the milk, and storming out of the store. Half of the customers in my line can’t help but laugh out loud after she leaves.)

    Bagged Herself A Steal

    | MI, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers

    (I’m a college freshman working in a thrift store. The most expensive item in the shop is $10. I am straightening up a rack when I watch a customer go into a dressing room, then emerge from the dressing room wearing a completely different outfit and make for the door. I stop her.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am! You realize you’re going to have to pay for that, right?”

    Customer: “I know that! I’m not an idiot!”

    (The customer turns around and walks over to a bookshelf, as if that’s where she’d been headed all along. I go back to the rack, but watch her out of the corner of my eye. She slowly begins making her way towards the door again.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. You still need to pay for that.”

    Customer: “I did.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I watched you. You went to the bookshelf and then tried to leave again.”

    Customer: “You were SPYING on me?! I want to talk to your manager!”

    (My manager, having heard the commotion, is already on his way over.)

    Manager: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes. This little girl was spying on me and accused me of trying to shoplift my own clothes!”

    (I began to bristle and protest, but my manager shushes me and points to the customer’s pants. Or rather, to the price tag sticking out of the pocket. The woman looks down at it and then bolts for the door. I start after her, but my manager calls me back.)

    Manager: “Ah, let her go. She’s only wearing about $6 worth of merchandise anyway.”

    Paying For Their Mistake

    | Albany, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Movies & TV

    (I work at a fairly well known 50s theme restaurant, where we offer a movie and a meal deal. If you buy an adult entree and drink, then you get a movie ticket for $8. A customer is ordering and asks about the offer.)

    Me: “Just so you know, you do have to order an adult entree for the offer to work.”

    Customer: “Jeez, I know. I want fries and a water, and two kids chocolate shakes, and chicken tenders for them.”

    (I place their order, and when it comes up, I bring it over. They eat it and seem very happy.)

    Customer: “Can I please get my check, and can you get me one of those movie tickets please?”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but since you didn’t get an adult entree and drink, you can’t get a movie ticket for $8.”

    Customer: “I did get an adult drink, water. Kids don’t drink water, and french fries count as an entree in my case.”

    Me: “You have to buy a drink. Water is given out for free. And fries are not an entree. They are an appetizer or side.”

    Customer: “Let me speak to your manager.”

    (The manager comes over. He has observed everything.)

    Customer: “Give me my d*** ticket. She’s stealing from me. She probably did charge me for my ticket, but is being a b**** and refusing to give it to me.”

    Manager: “I can assure you she has not charged you for the ticket because the cash register won’t even allow it to be added unless there is an adult entree and drink. Would you like to order food to go so you can get a ticket?”

    Customer: “What the f***! After such bad service, I am never coming here again!”

    (The customer grabs her two kids, and walks out without paying. A customer who has been watching from the counter area comes over.)

    Customer #2: “Here’s $30 to cover their bill so you don’t have to, and a tip because she didn’t. May I please have my check?”

    (Customer #2 leaves me a sizable tip, and even gives me a compliment. Thank you lady! That check would’ve had to come out my tips!)

    Stupid Call

    got-a-stupid-call-customers-call-dropped

    Caught Red Quartz Handed

    | USA | Liars & Scammers

    (I run a precious gems and minerals booth at a trade show. A customer walks up to me and does some looking around first.)

    Customer: “Do you buy things?”

    Me: “Sometimes, is it minerals?”

    Customer: “Sorta, yeah.”

    (The customer takes out a palm sized velvet pouch.)

    Customer: “I have a friend that cuts rocks and does things to them. I had him make me a set of ruby quartz flat gems and paint them with gold leaf. They’re kinda rare, and I was hoping to get $90 for them.”

    Me: “That depends…”

    (I hold out my hand for the bag. Instead he opens it, and pours out a couple of red glass, aka ‘fused quartz’ flat facet gems with runes on them in gold color paint. One has a chip in corner.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but these are in the trade wholesale catalogs in five colors, come with a booklet and retail for $20. Without the book and damaged, best I could hope to get is $5, so that means I won’t pay you that much.”

    Customer: “How dare you! Bad karma ON YOU! My friend Spent TWO WEEKS cutting and carving these!”

    (I spot another vendor across from me, talking to security.)

    Vendor Across From Me: “Yeah, that’s the guy!”

    Customer: *Oh s***!”

    (The customer takes off, leaving the bag. Security gets him before he gets out door. If he had gone all the way around my booth, he would have seen that I have full sets, in all five colors for sale, with the booklet, for less than $20. Bad karma indeed.)

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