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    Trying To Use Yards Is Too Much Of A Feet For Some

    | Gladstone, MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Math & Science

    (I am picking up some fabric at a large craft store. I am waiting in line to have it cut. A very loud customer cuts in front of everyone to ask about a bolt of fabric she’s carrying.)

    Customer #1: “How much is this fabric?”

    Employee: “It’s $9.99 per yard, ma’am.”

    Customer #1: “I don’t want to know how much per yard. I want to know how much per foot!”

    Employee: “That would be a third of a yard. So, it would be $3.33.”

    Customer #1: “No! Not one third of a yard! ONE FOOT! How much per foot does it cost?!”

    (Another customer in line decides to interject.)

    Customer #2: “One third of a yard is a foot. Three feet make one yard. So it’s $3.33 per foot.”

    Customer #1: “Who asked you!? You don’t even work here! What do you f****** know?!”

    Employee: “Ma’am, please watch your language. Also, [Customer #2] is correct. Now if you’ll please take a number, I’ll help you when it’s your turn.”

    (Customer #1 throws the bolt of fabric on the counter.)

    Customer #1: “I’ll need two five-foot pieces for my curtains. Exactly five foot. I measured twice!”

    Employee: “Ma’am, you need to take a number. All of these people were here before you.”

    (All the other customers agree that the employee should just go ahead and help the customer so that she will leave.)

    Employee: “Okay. You want three and one third yards in two pieces. So, that would be one yard and .65 of a yard.”

    (The employee mumbles to herself as she tries to figure out how much the last .65 would be.)

    Customer #1: “No! I’m not paying for yards! I f****** want two pieces of fabric, five-feet long each! Why is that so hard for you to understand!?”

    Customer #2: “Because, you stupid cow, fabric is sold by the yard, not by the foot! So her measurements are by the yard. That’s how she has to price it. By the way, if your windows are exactly 5 ft tall, how are you going to hem them and run a curtain rod through them?”

    Customer: “I’m not going to sew them. Not that it’s any of your f****** business! I’m going to cut holes in them and run those little plastic rings through the holes.”

    (Sure enough, the customer has two packs of white plastic SHOWER rings in her cart, and a long pressure SHOWER rod.)

    Customer #2: “Those are for a shower curtains! But, sure; you do that. I’m sure it will look freaking spectacular with your ghetto neon purple curtains.”

    (The employee starts unrolling the fabric and measures out the pieces. Then she folds it up and prints the label which she then pins to the fabric.)

    Customer #1: “ARGH! You’ve just f****** ruined it! Now it has a pinhole in it! I’m not paying for that! You cut me two new pieces and don’t put no d*** pins in it!”

    (At this, yet another customer feels the need to interject.)

    Customer #3: “Oh, my god, lady! There won’t be any holes in it! That’s fleece! They always put a pin in the label to hold it on there!”

    (The customer storms off, taking the fabric with her. As I’m as seamstress for a local renaissance festival, I’m in this store quite a lot. I witness the customer in there again three days later. She is complaining to a manager about the width of the fabric for her curtains, which now have holes cut in the top and those little shower rings put through.)

    Customer #1: “This fabric is not wide enough! She cut it the wrong way!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, first off we do not do returns on cut fabric unless it was not cut to your measurements. And second, that fabric was not cut in width, it was cut in length. It comes 45 inches wide on the bolt.”

    Customer #1: “Well, I don’t want it 45 inches wide. I want it wider! So it will hang right on the walls.”

    Manager: “Ma’am, as I’ve said, it only comes in 45 inches wide. I can’t help you with that. It was already cut, AND you’ve cut holes in it.”

    Customer #1: “No, no. The woman cut it sideways! I watched her do it! She just didn’t know what she was doing. She didn’t even know how to do feet, she wanted to do it in yards.”

    Me: *to the manager* “Miss, I saw the whole thing the other day. The employee definitely cut it properly, and exactly how this customer wanted it. And, yes, she measured it in feet after the customer insisted she do so.”

    Customer #1: “No one is f****** talking to you, b****!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Please do not come back to this store. Ever!”

    Customer #1: “You’re f****** right, I’m not coming back! You pieces of s*** don’t know how to cut s*** properly!”

    (Customer #1 throws the fabric in the trash on the way out the door, while mumbling about employees with their head up their a**. The manager pulls the fabric out of the trash.)

    Manager: “Does anyone want three yards of neon purple fleece fabric with shower curtain rings!?”

    Customer Doesn’t Believe

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    Me No Help You

    From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 5

    | Champaign, IL, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

    (A man and his four children are in the booth next to my family. I am four years old and am sitting next to my younger brothers. We are all quietly coloring at the table. The children at the next booth are climbing on top of the booth and playing with my father’s hat, throwing food, and running around the entire restaurant.)

    Waiter: “Sir, your children are bothering other customers. They need to calm down, or you will have to leave.”

    Other Dad: “They’re fine. They’re just running off some energy.”

    (The waiter is called away to another table. The kids begin raising another ruckus. They are just getting to an unbearable level when a carrot lands on our table.)

    Me: *sets crayon down* “Daddy, may I get up?”

    My Dad: “Um, okay…”

    (I march to the next table and assume an assertive stance with fists on hips.)

    Me: “Excuse me, sir. You really need to learn how to control your children.”

    (I get back in my seat and resume coloring. The other dad turns bright red. He gathers his kids and hurries out of the restaurant just as their food arrives. Later, my parents ask for the check.)

    Waiter: “Actually, sir, even if this meal wasn’t on the house, almost every other customer asked to cover your check for you.”

    (20 years later, my mom still calls this her proudest parenting moment. We even got a $50 gift certificate out of it!)

    Related:
    From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 4
    From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 3
    From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 2
    From The Mouth Of Babes

    Don’t Let Them Push(chair) You On The Price

    | England, UK | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

    (We’re selling our old pushchair. It was a gift and not really suitable. Despite it being pretty new and in excellent condition we are selling it for a fraction of the cost. We get a buyer and arrange a date to collect. The buyer and her young child knocks on the door.)

    Buyer: “Hi. I’m here for the pushchair.”

    Girlfriend: “Oh, great. Well as you can see, it is as-new. We must have only used it a few times.”

    Buyer: “Yeah. It looks great. But, I haven’t brought enough money with me.”

    Girlfriend: “I’m sorry, but we did agree on a price. It is already half that you would pay in the shops.”

    (The buyer turns to her child, and exclaims very dramatically.)

    Buyer: “Oh, no, baby! You won’t be able to have a nice new pushchair now. You were so looking forward to it as well!”

    (At this point I go to the door. I can see that the woman has intentionally upset her little boy, to try and make us feel sorry for him.)

    Me: “Look. We agreed on the price and we are not going any lower. You can either go get some cash out, or clear off. This is a bargain. We have lots of other people interested.”

    (The buyer stands there for a moment. I shut the door. Surprisingly, a few seconds later, she is standing there with the money ‘she found in her car.’ It was the exact amount.)

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