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    Aging Badly

    | Exeter, England, UK | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a cinema. One evening on my break, I see my husband’s 13-year-old cousin hanging around outside. I have a feeling that she’s trying to get into a 15-rated film, so when I go back on shift, I tell everybody else I know she’s under 15. She eventually goes to my manager’s till, so I go over.)

    Me: “Don’t sell her a ticket to Silent Hill. She’s my husband’s cousin; I know she’s 13.”

    Manager: “Okay, thanks.”

    (My cousin approaches. She doesn’t seem to recognize me.)

    Cousin: “I’d like tickets for Silent Hill, please.”

    Manager: “I’m afraid you cannot get a ticket for the film. You are not over 15.”

    Cousin: “What the f***?! I’m f****** 15; don’t f****** listen to her! What the f*** does she know? I want to watch the f****** film!”

    Manager: “You’re not old enough to watch it; we know you’re not. Can you move to the side, so I can serve someone else?”

    Cousin: “F*** you! You don’t know s***! I’m watching the f****** film!”

    (My manager goes to my cousin’s friends, who are waiting to the side.)

    Manager: “I’m happy for you guys to watch the film; you’ve got your ID with you, so it’s fine. Your friend can’t watch the film because she’s not old enough.” *to my husband’s cousin* “I’m asking you to leave, and to stop swearing.”

    Cousin: “I’m not f****** swearing!”

    Manager: “Or I can call the police to have you removed? Choice is yours.”

    (She hasn’t stepped foot in the cinema since. That Christmas, she came round to my husband’s parents’ house while we were there. As soon as she saw me, she practically fled the room, because the penny finally dropped!)

    Refunder Blunder, Part 3

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I am working near the registers, but I am not currently on register. Our return policy is printed on every receipt in clear, bold lettering.)

    Customer: “Hey, I wanna return this CD and get all my money back.”

    Me: “Sure thing, just let me call someone over and they can help you out.”

    (I call my manager over to do the return and I go back to work.)

    Customer: “They had better give me all my money back, or I’ll cause trouble.”

    Manager: “What can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “I wanna return this CD and get all my money back. Here is the receipt.”

    Manager: “Alright, everything looks okay; can I see the item you want to return?”

    (The customer hands over an unwrapped CD case.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry, but I can only give you a refund on unopened merchandise. If the disk wasn’t playing I can replace it for you though.”

    Customer: “No, you’re gonna give me all my money back, or I’m gonna file a lawsuit.”

    Manager: “Go ahead and file a lawsuit. I don’t care. The return policy is on the receipt, and clearly says items must be unopened in their original packaging in order to be returned for a refund.”

    Customer: “No, it doesn’t say that. Where does it say that?” *looks at his receipt* “D***.” *walks out*

    Related:
    Refunder Blunder, Part 2
    Refunder Blunder

    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 12

    | Natchitoches, LA, USA | Bad Behavior

    (I’m browsing the yarn section of a well-known big box retailer. There is another customer, a middle-aged man, slowly making his way down the aisle.)

    Customer: *stands next to me and clears his throat*

    Me: *takes two steps to the right* “Sorry I’m in the way, hon. I don’t know what colors I want.”

    Customer: “Hmph! Well, that’s not my problem, is it? Where are the iron-on patches?”

    Me: *gestures* “On the other aisle over there with the sewing notions.”

    Customer: “Hmph! I meant for you to show me exactly where to find them!”

    (At this point, I remember I’m wearing the jacket for my job, which is the same color as the shirts and jackets this store’s employees wear.)

    Me: “Oh!” *I point at my store’s logo on the front of my jacket* “I don’t work here! I work at [Convenience Store] in Robeline. I only know where they are because I sew. I don’t use those, though, as I’d rather sew a patch. There are sew-on patches over there, too.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me and don’t try to change the subject! Your jacket is the same color as the other employees’ jackets!”

    Me: “Honey, I work for [Convenience Store], not [Retailer].” *I point at the logo again* “See? Completely different logo.”

    Customer: “Don’t you ‘honey’ me, you brat! If you were my kid I’d tan your hide! The trouble with you kids these days is that you don’t respect your elders!”

    Me: “First off, I am NOT a child! I am twenty-four years old, which means I am a grown woman. Second, I have already told you that I don’t work here and showed you proof of the fact. Third, the d***ed patches you’re looking for are one aisle over, next to the other sewing notions, and they’re right in plain sight! If you can’t find them, that’s your problem, not mine!”

    (The customer storms off muttering about disrespectful employees. When I go to check-out later, I find myself at the end of the line in the same lane as him and notice that he has the iron-on patches.)

    Me: *loudly* “Glad to have been of service, sir!”

    Customer: *to his cashier* “I’d like to know who to speak to so that I can report her! She was very rude to me earlier!”

    Cashier: *chuckles* “Sir, she doesn’t work here. She works at [Convenience Store]. I see her there all the time when I’m passing through.”

    Customer: “You’re just covering for her! I’m going to take this to corporate!”

    Cashier: “You have a good day, sir!”

    Customer: *storms off with his bags*

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 11
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 10
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 9
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 8
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 7
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

    Sea Of Electricity

    Getting All Hancocked Over A Lincoln

    | GA, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a rather short young man who has just paid for lunch that I am sharing with a friend. Upon taking my seat at the table, I realize that I have been given $5 extra change. I go back to the register to return the excess money. There is one other customer in line behind me.)

    Me: “Sorry to bother you again, but I just wanted to return the extra change I was given by mistake.”

    Cashier: “Really? Well that’s a first.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but what is, ma’am?”

    Cashier: “Well, incorrect change is given out every now and then, and we always hear when it is short. However, we never get approached when we give too much.”

    Me: “You would think otherwise, wouldn’t you?”

    Cashier: “You’d be surprised. Unfortunately, when the register comes up short, we are either charged the difference out of our own pay or dismissed.”

    Me: “That’s terrible! Maybe if people knew jobs were at stake, they would be more honest.”

    (The customer in line has heard the whole thing and decides to speak up.)

    Customer: “Hey buddy. If you don’t want it, I’ll take it.”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “That $5 bill. I could use the money if you’re just giving it away.”

    Me: “I’m not giving it away. It’s their money; I was just given it by mistake. Did you not hear that she could lose her job?”

    Customer: “Look man, times are hard. People that actually have to work for their money need all of it they can get. We can’t all be spoiled brats like you!”

    Me: “I have a part-time job and go to college, so I work for what I have, too. Now I’m giving this money back to her, who it belongs to, not you. That is final!”

    Customer: “F*** you punk, and f*** that b**** too! If you won’t give it to me, I’ll take it along with all your front teeth!”

    (The customer is a full grown and muscular man, nearly twice my size. He grabs me by the arm and lifts me into the air. I see a swift motion in front of my face and brace for impact, but suddenly I feel myself dropped. The customer is cowering and holding his face. The cashier has sucker-punched him while he is holding on to me.)

    Me: “Thank you so much! I don’t know what I would have done without that!”

    Cashier: “No, thank you. If not for your honesty, I would have been fired. It’s the least I could do.”

    (The customer has recovered and quickly leaves. The manager comes over and is told the whole story.)

    Manager: “I’d like to offer you a free meal the next time you come.”

    Me: “I have to politely turn you down. I think the food is more than worth the price, and I’m happy to pay!”

    (I eat there regularly and have even become friends with the cashier. The best part is, because of this and her track record of great service, she later gets promoted to assistant manager!)

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