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Ticket To Italy

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Coffee Cookie Kindness

Grabbed The Wrong Baker’s Buns

| USA | Bad Behavior, Love/Romance

(I am visiting with two of my best friends at their little bakery. They are married, and have been best friends since the day I introduced them. The wife and I are doing some shopping for ingredients while business is slow. As we return to the bakery, a man stops and holds the door open for us. I go in first and the wife follows after me; we both thank him.)

Wife: *suddenly yelps*

Me: “What? What happened?”

Wife: “He slapped my a**!”

Man: “Don’t you know a true gentleman opens the door for a lady, and then slaps her a**? It’s a compliment, you stupid b****!”

Wife: “Excuse me?!”

(The wife is about five seconds from kicking the living crap out of this guy, when her husband walks over and calmly steps in front of her. He himself is wearing a suit and tie still, because he has not changed into his work clothes yet.)

Husband: “Sir, I am going to have to ask you to leave.”

Man: “Why?! I didn’t do anything!”

Husband: “A true gentleman opens the door for a lady, which is true. However, a true gentleman NEVER touches a lady without her consent. Ever.”

Man: “Man, why the h*** do you care so much?!”

(The husband simply smiles and then looms in close to the man’s face. The man is nearly 5’7″ while my friend is 6’2″. The man’s face goes sheet white.)

Husband: “For your information, that little lady is my wife. I own this bakery, and unless you would like me to show you how long it will take me to beat you to bloody pulp, I suggest you leave.”

(The man scurries off and is later charged for assault. As for my two friends, let’s just say the husband got an extra treat that night.)

The Customer Has Been Tagged

| USA | Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

(I work at a big retail chain where I am working the self checkout. A customer comes over to the self checkout with an arm full of shirts. As she walks over, I see her pull all of the tags off and slip them into her purse. She then waves me over.)

Guest: “Miss, these shirts don’t have any tags. I’ve seen them on the sales table for $2 each.”

Me: “Okay, I will call the fashion department and ask them if they have a $2 sale.”

Guest: *face goes pale* “No, it’s $2 off, believe me.”

Me: “…or the price tags could be in your purse.”

Guest: “F*** you!” *throws shirts on the ground and storms away*

Coworker: “What happened?”

(I tell my coworker the story and he laughs.)

Coworker: “Oh yeah, she comes in here all the time and does it. Most of the time she bullies or screams until she gets her way, or gets kicked out. I can’t believe you had the guts to say that.”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 24

| Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(I get a call from a customer who is currently $50 overdrawn on her account.)

Me: “Yes that is correct. Your account is overdrawn $50.”

Caller: “What if I cashed one of my checks at the local currency exchange for $50, and came and deposited the cash to cover the overdraft?”

Me: “Unfortunately you couldn’t do that, since that would bring your overdraft to $100.”

Caller: “But the money will be coming from the currency exchange, not my bank account!”

Me: “While the currency exchange is giving you the cash, that check will still be eventually drawn on your account here, thereby overdrawing you another $50.”

Me: “But it’s NOT coming out of my account! It’ll be coming from the currency exchange, so I can cover my overdraft!”

(Sadly, the conversation continues back and forth like this for several minutes until I simply tell her:)

Me: “Whatever you do, DO NOT cash any more checks!”

(This, she understands.)

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 23
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 22
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 21
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 20
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 19
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 18
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 17
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

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