(I have gotten bored during a long lecture and started reading an article in Japanese on my phone. The guys on either side of me are friends from high school who are both a bit odd.)

Classmate #1: “Woah, you can read moon runes?!”

Me: “…it’s Japanese.”

Classmate #1: “Yeah, moon runes!”

Me: *gives up* “Yes. I can read the moon runes.”

Classmate #1: “That’s so cool! I wish I could read moon runes!”

Classmate #2: “Uh, yeah. In case you haven’t noticed, [Classmate #1] is a little stupid…”

Classmate #1: “Moon runes!”

Classmate #2: “…and by ‘a little,’ I mean ‘a lot.'”

(I’m spending the night with my boyfriend. I have a dream where I’m talking to a friend about his relationship. In my dream, my friend tells me that he has broken up with the girl. I accidentally said part of my dream conversation out loud.)

Me: “I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”

Boyfriend: “What?”

Me: *half-asleep* “Don’t worry about it.”

(My boyfriend was freaked out for several hours after that, while I fell back asleep.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “My bank called and left a message for me to call them back. Should I call them back?”

Me: “Well, that is completely up to you.”

Customer: “Why are they calling?”

Me: “I’m afraid that I work in a call center and not at your branch bank. I do not know why they’re calling you.”

Customer: “Hmm.”

(There is a prolonged moment of silence.)

Customer: “In your opinion, what do you think they might have wanted?”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t know that. If you’re curious, I would suggest calling them back.”

Customer: “Is that your opinion on what I should do?”

Me: “Only if you’re curious.”

Customer: “Well, I am.”

Me: “Then, it seems like it is settled.”

Customer: “So you think I should call them back.”

(This back-and-forth goes on for 12 minutes.)

Me: “Again, I don’t know why they are calling. If you want to know, you can call them. If you do not want to know, you should not call them.”

Customer: “Okay. I’ll think about it. Thank you. Bye.”

Me: “Have a good day, sir.”

(I work at a store as the main cashier.)

Me: “Okay, your total comes to $6.66. Wow, you’re one unlucky person.”

Customer: “$6.66!? I REFUSE TO PAY! YOU’RE A DEVIL! YOU PUT A CURSE ON ME. HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO ME!” *storms out of the store yelling prayers*

(I’m working at a big box store as a cashier. There are two cashiers up front. I’m at register #2 and a coworker is at #4, so there is a register in between us. A customer walks up to register #3. My supervisor tells the lady she can either go to register #2 or register #4.)

Customer: “I hate Obama! I just want you all to know that.”

(The customer huffs and goes to my register.)

Me: “Hi there! Do you have a rewards card?”

Customer: “I don’t trust credit cards. I pay only in cash.”

Me: “Well, it’s not a credit ca—”

Customer: “I don’t trust companies! Don’t you worry about me. I will just pay cash.”

Me: “Alright…”

(I proceed to ring up her items.)

Customer: “You know you can only get boy tank tops?! I don’t wear bras! I never have, only when I was breastfeeding.”

Me: “Yeah. Unfortunately for women you have to buy separate tank tops.”

Customer: “I’ve never liked girls. I only had boys.”

Me: “Ah, okay. Today your total is [total].”

Customer: “And you know what? I hate Martha Stewart. She is a royal b****!”

(All I can do is laugh awkwardly and give the customer her change and receipt.)

Me: “Well, have a nice day.”

Customer: “And those Kardashian girls. They are so FAKE!”

(The customer crumples up her receipt and throws it at me. She storms away. The other cashier and my supervisor just stare at me. We are all stunned.)

Me: “Did that really just happen?”