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Focusing On The Wrong Kind Of Cup Size

| OH, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I am a female in my early twenties, the only female working this particular shift with three burly male coworkers. I am on the front register taking orders and money, when a customer walks in. He is a sloppily-dressed old man.)

Me: “Hi there! How are you?”

Customer: “I’m doin’ great, sweetie. How ’bout you get me a big cup of coffee?”

Me: “Sounds great. Do you need any room for cream in there, sir?”

Customer: “I got some cream for ya!”

(He winks lewdly at me. I try to shake it off.)

Me: “Alright, here is your coffee. Anything else for you, sir?”

Customer: “Nope. What’s my total so you can ring me up?”

(The customer seems oddly eager to pay. I give him his total and he hands me a very worn credit card. I try to swipe through our machine once or twice before determining its magnetic strip is too worn to be read. I am about to start typing in the numbers, when he interrupts me, looking very flushed and excited.)

Customer: “No, no, don’t type it in. It’ll work if you just rub it on your chest.”

(I am a little creeped out, but I wipe the card off on the bottom of my apron and give it another shot. It still won’t run through.)

Customer: “No, no, sweetie, I said it’ll work if you rub it on your chest. Actually, it’ll work best if I rub it on your chest for you.”

(At this point, I’m done. I step back from the register without another word and call for one of my coworkers, a big, burly 33-year-old man whose other job is construction. He comes over as I am walking away.)

Me: *to my coworker* “I’m going to the back because the man at the front is asking to rub things on my chest.”

(My coworker walks up to the register and looks down at the customer. He is a good foot taller than the customer.)

Coworker: “I heard you like rubbing things on people’s chests? Well, have at it.”

(My coworker leans forward just as I go into the back room. I didn’t see what happened next, but my coworker told me the customer panicked and ran out of the store without paying and without his coffee. We never saw him again!)

Paying Customers Only



Top 5 Funny Fall-Themed Stories

Not Always Right | Holidays, Roundups

Weekly Roundup: Top 5 Funny Fall-Themed Stories! In this week’s roundup, we share five funny seasonal stories about fall/autumn!

  1. A Good Chance Of A Falling Out (4,082 thumbs up)
  2. A Pal-Tree Understanding Of Plants (2,171 thumbs up)
  3. Window Pains (1,106 thumbs up)
  4. Someone’s Been Pumpkin At The Gym (1,505 thumbs up)
  5. Happy PTLBOTT Day! (2,715 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Pen-ding Emergency

| Canada | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I work at a call center for an oil and gas company.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] emergency line. Are you reporting an emergency?”

Caller: “Yes, very urgent.”

Me: “Alright, I’ll just need to gather some details in case we are disconnected. May I please have your first and last name?”

Caller: *angry* “You don’t need my name!”

Me: “Not a problem; may I please have your telephone number with area code?”

Caller: “No! You don’t need that either. Just f****** help me!”

Me: “Alright, ma’am, what is nature of the emergency?”

Caller: “My pen broke. I need a new one right now.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; this is an oil and gas emergency line. We’d be unable to assist with getting you a new pen.”

Caller: “No, f*** you! You gave me this pen last week and it broke already. How am I supposed to play with my cat now?”

Me: “I’m sorry; this is an emergency line. I can provide you the main office number where they may be able to locate you a new pen.”

Caller: “Are you serious? I can’t play with my cat and you don’t think this is an emergency?”

Me: “No, ma’am, this issue would not be considered an emergency.”

Caller: “Well f*** you then. I hope you’re happy; you’ve killed my cat!” *slams down the receiver*

That Kind Of Behavior Is Just Not Cricket

| London, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Geography

(I’m standing in line at a corner shop. The customer at the till is a typical 40-something skinhead, wearing an England football shirt. He’s harassing the cashier because of the difference between the display price of a packet of cigarettes, and what he’s being charged.)


Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, but due to the changes in taxes, we’ve had to increase the price. We haven’t had time to change the signs yet.”


(The cashier isn’t ethnically British, but he’s been working at the store for a few years now and is a pretty decent guy.)

Cashier: “That doesn’t matter, sir. Could you just pay for your items?”


Cashier: *rolling his eyes* “Sri Lanka.”

(The customer tries to think of an insult using the tiny amount of brainpower not given over to alcohol and rage.)

Customer: “…yeah … well your cricket team is s***!”

(The customer then storms off after paying for the cigarettes. I go up to the register.)

Me: “Didn’t Sri Lanka just win the Cricket World Cup?”