(I’m picking up a few things near the cash register. A customer walks up to the cashier with a bottle of Goldschlager. He looks like your typical party frat-boy. I overhear his attempt to impress the attractive cashier.)

Customer: “Dude, I love this stuff. It’s so good.”

Cashier: “Yeah, my mom’s a fan too.”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s really awesome. The gold flakes in it cut your throat and your stomach to get the alcohol in you faster, and get you drunk faster.”

(It is now obvious that the cashier is unenthused.)

Cashier: “Is that so?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s totally why I drink it. It gets you drunk way faster.”

(I can see that the cashier is getting annoyed with the customer’s ‘bro’ attitude, so I speak up.)

Me: “Actually, that’s just an urban legend. Gold is known for its soft malleable properties, so it’s not sharp enough to cut you like that.”

(The customer looks a little flustered.)

Customer: “Well, that’s what I heard!”

Me: “Well it’s wrong. Not to mention, I’m sure the FDA would not approve of the sale of a drink that actually could tear the lining of the stomach and throat to accelerate intoxication. The gold is just a novelty effect.”

(The guy mumbles something, pays for his liquor, and leaves; he is clearly embarrassed. I finish my selection, and go to the cashier to pay.)

Cashier: “Look at you go! Thanks so much for that. I get so tired of idiots thinking I’m impressed with how much they can drink.”

Me: “No problem!”

(Note: I am female.)

Me: “Hi there! Is there anything I can give you a hand with?”

Customer: “Yes, can I speak with your boss?”

(He points to my coworker, who is a middle-aged gentleman. He has worked here longer than me, but he is not my boss. My coworker hears the customer, comes over, and pats my shoulder.)

Coworker: “She’s the boss.”

(The customer is suddenly outraged.)

Customer: “How dare you! A woman in a hardware store! This blonde b**** probably doesn’t even know the first thing about paint!I want to talk to a man about man stuff!”

Coworker: “Actually, she used to paint houses professionally before she went to college, and has more experience than anyone in this store when it comes to color theory and technique. She’s also assisted in completely gutting three houses and rebuilding them. That’s more than I could say I, or most of the men in this store, have done themselves.”

Customer: “Lies! Girls don’t f****** know anything about this s***! You’re a f****** liar!” *storms off*

(A regular walks in.)

Me: “Good day, sir. What can I help you with today?”

Regular: “I’d like seven pounds of lamb.”

Me: “Yes, sir. Got a party planned?”

Regular: “My brother and his family is coming to visit. Oh, and my son is bringing his girlfriend over. She’s a vegetarian, so throw in some chicken too, I guess.”

Me: “Sir, if she’s a vegetarian, she doesn’t eat meat.”

Regular: “Wait, you mean she doesn’t eat any meat at all? Not even chicken?”

Me: “Not even chicken, sir.”

Regular: “But… is that even possible?”

Me: “Yes, sir, it’s possible. Here’s your meat. I suggest you drop by a grocery store and buy something green for your son’s girlfriend. Enjoy your dinner!”

Regular: “Thank you.”

(He starts muttering as he leaves.)

Regular: “No meat! Some people are so strange.”