(I am a substitute teacher. This takes place on Picture Day, where all the kids go with their homeroom teachers to have school pictures taken. After about a quarter of my students have sat for their portraits and are sitting quietly near me while they wait for their classmates to finish, the principal comes into the room.)
Principal: “You need to take the students who are finished back to your classroom. They can’t just loiter in here.”
Me: “But I thought I wasn’t supposed to leave any student unattended.”
Principal: “That’s right.”
Me: “So, I have to walk each student, as they are finished, back to my classroom?”
Principal: “Yes.”
Me: “And, then, return here to escort the next student?”
Principal: “Yes.”
Me: “Okay, I’ll do that.”
(I proceed to escort the six to eight students who are finished back to my classroom. I then return to the cafeteria where portraits are being taken. Just then, the principal walks in, seemingly livid.)
Principal: “What did I tell you about leaving students unattended?”
Me: “I’m confused. I thought I was supposed to escort each student back to my classroom, and then return here for the next student.”
Principal: “Yes! That’s right!”
Me: “But, to do that, the students in the classroom would be left unattended.”
Principal: “Students should never be unattended!”
Me: “Then, should I stay in the classroom and tell students to just return to my room when the portraits are done?”
Principal: “What are you thinking?! Students should never be left unattended in the classroom, in the cafeteria, or in the hallways.”
Me: “Let me see if I am getting this right: I am supposed to be in the cafeteria throughout the time the portraits are being taken so the kids aren’t unattended in the cafeteria. I am also supposed to escort each and every student back to my classroom so they aren’t unattended in the hallways. Once I take a student back to the classroom, I’m supposed to stay there so that they aren’t left unattended in my room. Is that right?”
Principal: “Yes! God, why is that so hard to figure out? At this rate, it’ll be a miracle if you don’t flunk out of your master’s program.”
Me: “So, tell me, how am I supposed to be in the cafeteria, in my classroom, and escorting students in the hallway all at the same time?”
Principal: “You are the teacher. That is your job to figure out. Now, get it done!” *storms off*
(I did my best to bend the laws of physics and reality to accomplish his directive, but it didn’t work. I ended up having to leave the students unattended in the cafeteria, where at least the adult photographer and school secretary were present. At the end of the day, I was relieved from my position as a long-term substitute teacher for “Endangering the safety of students by leaving them unattended.”)
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