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    Archive for 2012

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    Ignorance Really Is Bliss

    | Kalamazoo, MI, USA |

    (This happens at the end of the transaction, which up to this point had gone perfectly normally. The customer has paid in cash, with 40-some-odd cents in change.)

    Me: “There’s your receipt sir. Would you like to donate your change to the Children’s Miracle Network today?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Well, if someone has less than 50 cents in change back, I usually ask them if they would like to donate their change.”

    Customer: “Donate?”

    Me: “Yes, our company exclusively supports the Children’s Miracle Network. At every store, we have donation jars like this red one. We collect change for the Children’s Miracle Network.”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “The CMN? It’s a non-profit that helps sick kids find hospitals and treatment.”

    Customer: “Sick kids?”

    Me: “Yes, if a child is terminally ill or sick with a rare disease, the CMN will help them find treatments and even help with bills and such.”

    Customer: “There ain’t no sick kids!”

    Me: *confused* “Yes sir, plenty of kids are diagnosed with illnesses like cancer or other diseases.”

    Customer: “Why are you doing this!?”

    Me: “I’m sorry? Why am I doing what?”

    Customer: “Lying to me! I don’t wanna hear about no sick kids! I gotta go to work! All I wanted was to buy my coffee! I didn’t want no guilt trip! Let me see your manager!”

    (My manager had already heard the ruckus as she was crouched behind the counter collecting checks from the safe.)

    Manager: “Yes, sir, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I just want my coffee! I don’t understand about these sick kids! Why did she tell me about the kids?”

    Manager: “Are you confused about the CMN sir? I actually have some brochures in the back that talk about their non-profit services.”

    Customer: *throws hands in the air* “Argh! There ain’t no sick kids! Shut up about the sick kids! I don’t understand!”

    (The customer storms out with his coffee, leaving me holding his change in my hand.)

    Manager: “It’s nice when the customers want to donate their change. Really gives them a good feeling, you know?”

    Me: *drops customer’s change in jar* “Yes, ma’am.”

    Misery Demands Company, Part 3

    | Santa Rosa, NM, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    (A guest approaches the check-in window at 5:30 a.m.)

    Me: “Good morning! How are you?”

    Guest: “My wife wants to use the bathroom. She’s in there now.”

    Me: “Oh, alright, no problem! If there’s anything I can help you with, let me know.”

    Guest: “Are you happy?”

    Me: “Yes I am, sir! I’m always happy.”

    Guest: “Well, you shouldn’t be! It’s too early! Stop smiling! Now!”

    Related:
    Misery Demands Company, Part 2
    Misery Demands Company

    Introducing IYAMBAD.com!

    | IYAMBAD.com |

    IYAMYOURS MascotGot something to get off your chest?

    It’s a new year! As we reflect on 2011, let’s wipe the slate clean and confess the not-so-nice things you’ve done last year. Then, go to IYAMBAD.com to read others’ confessions…maybe you’ll find that you’ve haven’t been that bad after all…or maybe you have!

    Here’s just one of many funny and unusual confessions already submitted to IYAMBAD:

    “Last week, my father and I were pranking each other. At first it was just small stuff, such as putting vinegar/hot sauce/cod liver oil/etc. into each others’ drinks. But while he was at work one day, I stole ALL of his underwear, soaked them in water, dropped them all into a plastic bag, and stuck them into the freezer. He didn’t notice until a few hours later after he’d already taken a shower. By the time he found them, they were frozen into one solid mass of tighty-whiteys. IYAMBAD”

    But wait, there’s more! Join the over 2,350 YAMMY fans who have already signed up for our mailing list. You’ll get to find out what exciting new YAMMY site is coming up next!

                   

    Ruining It For Everyone

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [restaurant]! How many?”

    Customer: “Two. And we’re vegetarian.”

    Me: “You’re in luck, ma’am, we have some excellent vegetarian dishes.”

    (I seat the customers and head back to my spot. A few minutes later, the woman storms up to me.)

    Customer: ”I said I was vegetarian!”

    Me: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: ”The people in the booth next to me are eating meat!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’re not going to stop selling meat products to other customers just because you won’t eat them.”

    Customer: “But I’m vegetarian!”

    When In Rome (Or Spain)

    | Madrid, Spain | Top, Tourists/Travel

    (An American customer approaches me as I work at the customer service counter.)

    Customer: “I’d like to make a complaint!”

    Me: “Sure, sir. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Why are all the road signs in f***ing Spanish? Aren’t you all supposed to be speaking English? If you’re going to live here, speak English!”

    Me: “We are in Spain, sir. Spanish is our official language.”

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