(My preteen daughter is highly gifted, and among other things, she loves to calculate, classify and list all sorts of things. She comes home very excited from school.)
Daughter: “Mum, mum, I’m so happy to be home!”
Me: “Why is that, sweetie?”
Daughter: “Because I have some graphs to do!”
(She goes straight for the computer and opens the program she uses to make graphs.)
Daughter: *gleefully* “Yay! I love doing this!”
(At our call center, our boss is often late, and also has a habit of calling his own phone instead of directly calling whoever he’s trying to reach. It’s a very busy day and our boss finally comes in, albeit two hours late.)
Boss: “Why didn’t any of you take the time to pick up my phone?”
Me: “Because the phones were red hot.”
Boss: “That is no excuse for you to not pick up that phone! When I call, I expect someone to pick it up. I was late, and I needed someone to verify that I was coming in!”
Me: “May I ask why you did not call the floor manager for that? They can make a note and make sure the others have a heads up in time.”
Boss: “Because I am hungover from the party! I was up until six in the morning, and didn’t feel like talking to those idiots! You better pick up next time. Otherwise, you can look for a different job!”
(Twenty minutes later, one of the managers comes in and grills my boss.)
Manager: *to my Boss* “Where were you? Why were you late?”
Boss: “I was still in bed and overslept. Why do you care?!”
Manager: “The head of our company came in this morning and wanted to talk to you about your recent amounts of being late. He isn’t happy at all.”
Boss: “Oh, crap.”
(Never saw him again after that.)
(It’s very early in the morning, and I am in the process of getting my apartment packed up when I run out of boxes. I run to a 24-hour store and pick up four boxes and two candy bars, one of which I eat before I get to the checkout. I show the empty candy bar wrapper to the cashier so I can pay for it.)
Cashier: *dirty look* “Well, did you enjoy it?”
Me: “Actually, I think I like the original flavor better.”
Cashier: *angrily* “So, you already tried it, but you’re buying it anyways?!”
Me: “Oh, the other one is actually for my roommate. She loves them!”
Cashier: “Well, I don’t know why you’d buy it if you already tried it.”
Me: “Um, sorry?”
Cashier: *sticks her tongue out in a ‘gag’ gesture* “EEEEEYYYEEECCCHHH!”
Me: “Okay?”
Cashier: “And why are you buying boxes? You can just ask your friends for boxes!”
Me: “Well, I’m moving at 6 am, and I don’t think any of my friends are up right now.”
Cashier: “There’s no reason to buy boxes. That’s just stupid!”
Me: *speechless*
Me: “Just the belt for you today?”
Customer: “BELT!”
(He hands me his belt.)
Me: “Your total will be $21.09.”
Customer: “SWIPE!”
(He swipes his card.)
Me: “Would you like the receipt with you or in the bag?”
Customer: “RECEIPT!”
(I give him his receipt.)
Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day.”
Customer: “Thank you for allowing this relationship!”
Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] Tech Support. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”
Caller: “The technician needs to come.”
Me: “Sorry about the issue you are having, what seems to be happening?”
Caller: “It’s too bright!”
Me: “What seems to be too bright?”
Caller: “The light!”
Me: “What light are you talking about?”
Caller: “The light on the box!”
Me: “I’m sorry, what box are you referring to?”
Caller: “Internet light!”
Me: “Is this the light to your modem or your computer?”
Caller: “The light is too bright and I can’t sleep at night. I need the tech to come out and not make it bright!”
Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Have you tried turning the modem around to face a wall or put something over the lights?”
Caller: “No, do you think that would work?”
Me: “Possibly.”
Caller: “Well, I still want my other box back! It wasn’t bright!”
Me: “…”
