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    Archive for 2012

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    Try To Keep A Poke Face

    | WI, USA | Rude & Risque

    (An old man comes up to purchase a pair of shoes. I am nearby while my manager rings it up.)

    Manager: “Now, hold onto your receipt, because you can use it anytime to get another pair half price!”

    Customer: “Oh, I doubt I’ll get to use it. I’ll probably be dead before I need new shoes again.”

    Manager: “Oh, don’t say that! You’ve got to stay positive!”

    Customer: “Ah, when you get to be my age, all the ‘positive’ gets used up. First you can’t poke it no more, and then it just goes downhill from there!” *leaves*

    Crying Over Spoiled Milk

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners, Top

    (I’m working in a restaurant at the bar where we also make coffees. I’m standing at the espresso machine when a male customer approaches to order.)

    Customer: “I’d like a cappuccino with no milk, please.”

    (This confuses me, as milk is a necessary component for cappuccinos.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Do you mean a black coffee? A long black, perhaps? That’s espresso topped up with hot water?”

    Customer: “No, I want a normal cappuccino; just don’t put any milk in it.”

    Me: “Well, that would just be a short black or espresso shot. Is that what you’re after?”

    Customer: “No! Look, it’s not that complicated. Just make me a cappuccino, but leave out the milk.”

    (Still confused, I make up a shot of espresso in a cappuccino cup and show the customer.)

    Me: “Is this what you want?”

    Customer: “No! Ugh! You kids these days don’t know anything about making decent coffees!”

    (I actually have over six years experience making coffees.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I just don’t understand what you want me to make.”

    (The customer storms off back to his table in the bistro. Not long after, a woman comes up to the bar.)

    Woman: “I’d just like to apologise for my idiot of a husband and order a cappuccino with skinny milk. Honestly, how did he expect you to make a cappuccino with no milk at all?”

    (The male customer avoided me for the rest of the evening out of embarrassment, but the woman gave me a nice tip!)

    The Less-Errant Of Two Evils

    | The Netherlands | Health & Body, Language & Words

    (I’m a cashier at a supermarket and am checking out a customer. All cigarette packages have a warning on them.)

    Customer: “I’d like [brand] cigarettes please.”

    (I grab a package.)

    Customer: “Oh no, not that one. I don’t like the text on it.”

    Me: “Oh, you mean the, ‘Smoking is deadly’ text?

    Customer: “Yes, get me one with a different text.”

    (I grab another package.)

    Me: “Okay… how about, ‘Smoking leads to a slow painful death’?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t like that one either.”

    Me: “Is, ‘Smoking increases the chance to get lung cancer’ fine, then?”

    Customer: “Ah yes, that one is good!”

    Not In The Right Frame Of Mind

    | USA | Extra Stupid

    (Our picture framing shop sells sheets of glass pre-cut to various sizes. An older customer comes up to the counter with an 11×14 inch piece.)

    Customer: “Which side is 11, and which side is 14?”

    Branding Is All Smoke & Mirrors

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior

    (The Australian government has recently made it law that all cigarette packages must be plain with no branding or colouring. A lot of people are angry over this and are taking it out on the cashiers.)

    Customer #1: “…and can I get a pack of [brand cigarettes]?”

    Employee: “Sure!”

    (The employee fetches them and leaves them on the counter while she finishes ringing up the customer’s other items.)

    Customer #1: “Hey! I said that I wanted [brand]. What’s this s***?!”

    Employee: “That is [brand]; it’s just a different package.”

    Customer #1: “Don’t you lie to me, you b****!”

    (He then grabs them from the counter and hurls them at her, but they bounce off her and land on the ground. She calmly bends down to pick them up.)

    Me: *to Customer #1* “Hey! What the h***, man?”

    Employee: *turns to me* “It’s okay.” *turns to Customer #1* “Sir, can I show you something?”

    (She gestures for the customer to look at the cigarettes.)

    Employee: “This writing right here says [brand] Optimums, see? And this number right here says 25. So, this is [brand] Optimums 25s, which is what you asked for. Have a nice evening.”

    (He storms out, and the next customer steps up. He’s been fiddling with his basket and looking impatient while the employee was dealing with the first customer.)

    Customer #2: *quietly* “You’re doing a very good job dealing with jerks like that. I’ve never seen such patience and poise in a young woman such as yourself; they are very admirable qualities to have.”

    Employee: *near tears* “Thank you.”

    Customer #2: “Don’t let vicious people get you down. You’re just trying to do your job.”

    (The manager, who had just returned from dealing with Customer #1 outside, overheard this gave Customer #2 his groceries for free for being a decent person!)


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