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    A Clear And Self-Centered Danger

    | Boston, MA, USA | Top

    (A couple approaches the information desk while I’m manning it. They are probably in their mid-60s.)

    Me:  ”Can I help you find something?”

    Customer:  ”Yes, where are your paperbacks by Clancy?”

    Me:  ”They’re right over here in fiction; follow me.”

    (They tag along behind me as I lead them the 10 steps over to the fiction wall.)

    Me:  ”He’s this whole shelf, and part of the next one.  Was there anything else you were looking for today?”

    Customer:  ”Other stuff like him. You know, like Woods, Connelly, and Lescroart.”

    Me:  ”Well, they’re all here in fiction too. It’s alphabetical by author, so you can work your way down from here.  Woods is right at the end by the window.”

    Customer:  *peevish* “Why can’t you people just put all the stuff I like together?!”

    (At this point his wife, who has been silent the whole time, chimes in.)

    Customer’s Wife: “Because the world STILL doesn’t revolve around you, dear.” *to me* “His mother has a lot to answer for!”

    Single-Handedly Stupid

    | California, USA | Extra Stupid

    Me: “How are you doing? Did you find everything all right?”

    Customer: “No, I was looking for left-handed writing instruments, but apparently, you don’t have them. I guess I’ll have to take my business somewhere else. I feel bad for my son, though. He has been suffering.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I believe that all pencils and pens work for both right-handed and left-handed people.”

    Customer: “Then, why is he suffering? He says his hand hurts every time he writes! You don’t understand!”

    Me: “I am left-handed. I have been using the same pencils and pens as everyone else, and never had a problem.”

    Customer: “I don’t like your tone! You are so disrespectful and unsympathetic! I want to speak to your manager!”

    Inappropriate tag placement

    Sorry (not really)

    One, Two, Skip A Few

    | Livingston, NJ, USA |

    Me: *answering the phone* “Thank you for calling [bookstore]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “What are your hours?”

    Me: “We’re open from 9 to 10 every day.”

    Customer: “You’re only open for one hour?!”

    Me: “Oh, no, 9 AM to 10 PM.”

    Customer: “That’s only one hour!”

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