(A well-dressed woman enters the store and hands me a note.)

Customer: “Could you get this order ready for me, please? I’ll be back in ten minutes.”

(I look at the note, but it’s blank.)

Me: “There is nothing written on this note.”

Customer: “Well, I decided to surprise myself today with my purchases.”

Me: “Okay…that’s new, but I’ll see what I can do!”

(Ten minutes later, she returns.)

Customer: “So, what did I buy today?”

Me: *hands her a bag* “Three pounds of bread crust to feed the ducks in the park. They are free of charge.”

Customer: *surprised* “Oh! I was planning to go to the hairdresser, but this is…DUCKS, YOU SAY? Well, off to the park, then! Goodbye!”

(I work as a server at a vegan cafe when a girl in her twenties walks in.)

Me: “Hello, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’ll have a coffee to start. One sugar, two cream.”

Me: “Sorry, we actually don’t have cream, but we use soy milk.”

Customer: “Uh, what? Soy milk? Like beans? You put beans in your coffee? That’s gross. Who would put beans in their coffee?”

Me: “Actually, it’s pretty good, and coffee is actually made of coffee beans, right?”

Customer: “Haha, could you imagine that? That would be soooo gross!”

Me: “Well, you could think of coffee beans like seeds, too. But anyway, is soy milk okay in your coffee?”

Customer: “Seeds?! Haha, imagine that! No, it’s just rich dirt.”

Me: “Uh, what’s ‘rich dirt’?’

Customer: “Coffee, duh! You know…the brown powder that they dig from mountains!”

(An older customer with a very old laptop approaches me.)

Customer: “Can you help me? I upgraded to the new Windows 7 thing and it’s going really really slow. Do I have a virus?”

Me: “I’ll take a look, but have you considered running Linux or moving back to Windows XP if you still have it? Your computer’s probably slow because it’s not new enough to handle the more intensive new operating systems.”

Customer: “But Linux is made by atheists!”

Based on this Not Always Right story by “Albireo”.