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The Linguistic Frontier

| Alaska, USA | Geography, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

(I was born and raised in Alaska. I’ve been told by a lot of people that I sound very generically American. I’ve been answering questions for this couple for about five minutes.)

Me: “Let me know if there’s anything else I can help you with!”

Male Tourist: “No, we’ll be fine, thanks.”

Me: “Okay. Enjoy your stay!”

Female Tourist: “Thanks, honey. You speak real good English for being an Alaskan!”

Children Of The Scorn

| Aurora, CO, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

(I’ve been at work for 8 hours and am finishing the last bit of the late-evening rush. A husband, wife, and their 6-year-old daughter come through the line with several items, one of which is a bike.)

Husband: “Can you split these between a couple cards?”

Me: “Of course. What amount would you like?”

Wife: “This’ll be food stamps. One minute…”

(The husband and wife stare at the card reader and babble between themselves which way to turn the card and what their pin is. I try to help several times, only to be scolded, so I remain quiet. As I wait, I start looking around randomly and eventually glance in the general direction of their daughter.)

6-year-old Daughter: “The f*** you starin’ at, b****?!”

Me: *shocked* “I’m sorry, I wasn’t…I didn’t mean…if you bring the bike over here, I can ring it up once your parents are finished—”

6-year-old Daughter: “The f*** you say to me?!”

Me: “Well, unless you paid for it in the back, in which case you’ll want to have your receipt out at the door since they’ll check larger purchases. It’s a pain, I know, but it’s just store policy—”

6-year-old Daughter: “You racist c***! You just sayin’ that ’cause I’m [race], ain’t you? Shut the f*** up!”

Me: “No, it has nothing to…it’s just store policy to check receipts—”

6-year-old Daughter: “F*** you, f***ing racist b****! Y’all are racist! You is nothin’ more than a lil’ racist c*** askin’ me that s***! F*** you, you f***er! I ain’t got to do s***!”

(The daughter screams for a few more minutes, carrying off the bike. Meanwhile, her parents finish with their groceries, apparently oblivious to their daughter’s behavior. The daughter continues to make obscene gestures and screams obscenities at me all the way out the door, being sure to also yell at the store’s door greeter.)

Next Customer: “Morons…”

Me: *immediately burst into tears*

Next Customer: “Do you run into this often?”

Me: *nodding* “M-more than i-is strictly n-necessary.”

Next Customer: “Really? You’re too smart to be dealing with a**holes of that degree. I’d quit. Seriously, f*** that!”

Me: *laughing* “Thank you!”

(I put in my two weeks that night!)

The Costumer Is Always Right

| California, USA | Bigotry, Bizarre, Religion

(It’s a few days before Halloween, and I’m a customer waiting for my sister to pick out a Halloween costume at a popular party store. An elderly customer approaches me. Note: I am a goth, but also a Christian.)

Customer: “Do you know where the boy’s birthday decorations are?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t work here. I wouldn’t know.”

Customer: “But you’re with the store. You’re in a costume.”

(I look around at the other employees, all of which are wearing bright green vests, name tags, and silly hats. Then, I realize she is referring to my black jacket and large black boots.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I really don’t work here. These are my normal clothes. I’m a goth; I’m not in costume.”

Customer: *visibly afraid* “Don’t put a curse on me! I know your type! You do that voodoo, and you hate Jesus!” *runs out of the store*

Me: *speechless*

Once You See It…

Is This A Parking Spot?

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