(My dad and I are at an electronics store asking an employee for a USB DVD drive.)

Employee: “So, what do you need this for anyway?”

Me: “Just to to have one that works to read things.”

Employee: “Well, instead of using your CDs, you can just download stuff. It’s not illegal. Just pirate it; I do it all the time!”

(Every night, the drugstore I work at does a closing announcement 15, 10, and 5 minutes before closing and also one at closing. I’ve just made the 10 minute announcement when a middle-aged man comes up to my register.)

Customer: “Was that you making that last announcement?”

Me: “Yes it was. We do a few of them every night.”

Customer: “You sounded very professional! Are you going to do more of them?”

Me: “Thank you, and yes. I’m going to do the five minute announcement shortly.”

Customer: *very excited* “Can I do it?!”

Me: “Uhh… well, I don’t think so. We have to do it at just the right time and we follow a script that I have memorized.”

Customer: “Aww, man!”

(I finish the customer’s transaction and everything seems fine. He walks away a few steps and starts messing with his wallet. I pick up the speakerphone to make the next announcement, but just as I start to talk, the man grabs the phone from me. As he does so, he slams it into my face and gives me a bloody lip in the process.)

Customer: “HEY EVERYBODY! THIS IS DJ SEXY! IT’S THAT TIME OF THE NIGHT AGAIN!”

(I’m completely shocked and try to get it back from the customer. However, he keeps ducking and moving so I hit the hangup button instead. By that point, the manager has come running up to us. The customer sees my manager, drops the phone, and runs out of the store.)

Manager: “What in the h*** is going on?! Why did you let him do that?!”

(Note that as my manager questions me, I’m dabbing my bloody mouth with a tissue.)

Me: “Let him?! He grabbed it from me and hurt me in the process! That guy was crazy!”

Manager: “Well… you should be more careful!” *walks off*

(I tried to file an accident report with the store and asked the manager to call the police so that there would be a record of the event in case the guy came back. He refused to do either, so I quit that night!)

(I work in an enclosed collision center where the customer can drive in for an estimate. We therefore ask all customers to turn off their vehicle while it’s inside to prevent the fumes from building up.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am! Can you please turn your vehicle off and we can start the estimate?”

Customer: “No, I will not! My children are in the car. It is far too hot for them!”

Me: “We have to have the vehicle turned off. The fumes can build up in here very quickly making everyone—including your children—very sick.”

Customer: “I care that my children are too HOT. I don’t care if they get SICK!”

(I work in a medical uniform store. The first customer of the day comes into our store with her father; she’s making a big return on several different items. Instead of doing an even exchange, she picks out different clothes as well as adding a watch that wasn’t originally with the purchase. I’ve rung everything through and the new total is five or six dollars above $100. This is important, as the place she works at gives her a $100 allowance at our store.)

Customer: “Are you sure the price is right?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, one of the tops rang up above price, but I knocked it down to the ticketed price for you.”

Customer: “What about the money from my return?”

Me: “It was taken out of what you were buying already. [Price] is what’s left over after the return money has been taken out.”

Customer: “That’s still not right. I took a cheaper pair of shoes to afford the watch.”

Me: “Let me show you how this breaks down…”

(I take out the register calculator and add up her returns for her. I then add up her purchases total, which comes out bigger than the returns. She makes me repeat this another time. Meanwhile a line is starting to form with other customers; it’s a small store and I’m the only register open. She decides to switch tactics.)

Customer: “I think I was overcharged when I first bought the clothes. The tag and the charge on the receipt don’t match, see?”

(She holds out the original receipt and makes me recalculate everything again. Sure enough, she hasn’t been overcharged on anything. As the line is growing longer, she switches tactics again.)

Customer: “I get a discount for working at [hospital] right?”

Me: “Normally, yes, but that’s only for full priced items. All of yours are already on sale. I can’t compound discounts.”

Customer: “But I work at [hospital]! You should give me the discount!”

Me: “Ma’am, store policy says I cannot put a hospital discount on something that is already discounted.”

Customer: “The girl who rang me up the first time did!”

Me: “Ma’am, we just went through the receipt. Nowhere were you given a hospital discount when the item was already on sale. And, regardless, that was her and this is me; store policy says I cannot compound the discount.”

(The customer opens her mouth to try again, but thankfully her father, who has been patiently waiting along with the other customers in line, intervenes.)

Customer’s Father: “She has given you all the discounts she can. Here, I will pay for it.”

(He hands me the money, I finish the transaction, and they leave. The next customer in line steps up and I thank her for waiting.)

Next Customer: “You have a lot of patience, young lady! I would have kicked her out of the store a long time ago.”

(Note: I am left-handed. I’m working at a music store when the most wonderfully old-fashioned customer comes in.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, welcome to [store]! How can I help you?”

Customer: “Oh… oh, my! Are you writing with your LEFT hand?” *pulls a cross on a necklace from under her shirt*

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I’ve always been left handed. Is there anything I can assist you with?”

Customer: *frantically waves the cross around* “I’m sorry. I can’t shop here. You lefties are so unnatural; I thought they stamped you all out in elementary school!”