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    Archive for 2012

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    The Oldest Chick In The Book

    | Deland, FL, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money

    Caller: “I don’t understand why I have a late fee on my account. I always pay on time.”

    Me: “Okay, I would be happy to look into that for you today. I see the late fee and I think I see the problem. However, I would like a brief minute to continue looking through your account to verify why you are receiving late fees. May I please place you on hold?”

    Caller: “Okay, then.”

    (I check her statements for the last 6 months and see that she missed two consecutive payments. She recently started paying only $5 a month.)

    Me: “Thank you for holding. I apologize for the wait. I think I see what happened. I see that we have been receiving your $5 payments by the due date. However, they do not cover your $127 minimum payment, so you are being charged late fees.”

    Caller: “But I’m making my payment on time.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, however the payment that we are receiving does not cover your minimum due.”

    Caller: “But you’re getting my payment before the due date.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but $5 does not cover your minimum due.”

    Caller: “Well, what is my minimum due?”

    Me: “Your minimum due on your last statement was $127.”

    Caller: “So that pays off my account. I’ll pay you $127 and you can’t charge me any more fees, right? That will pay off my account.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but $127 was the amount that you owed us for the month of January. You will still owe us another minimum payment by February 28th.”

    Caller: “Okay, so how many months do I have to pay to pay off my account?”

    Me: “Well, as stated on your last statement, you would have to pay the minimum due for 5 years on time each month to pay off your balance.”

    Caller: “Well, how much is that?”

    Me: “$6,200.”

    Caller: “So, how will it take me to pay off my balance if I pay $5 a month?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but since $5 does not cover your minimum payment and our late fees are $35, you would be unable to pay off your balance.”

    Caller: “Well, why would you do that? You just want everyone to give you $5 every month for the rest of their lives! Let me talk to your supervisor! You people can’t do that! It’s ILLEGAL!”

    Me: “Okay, may I please place you on a brief 1 to 2 minute hold while I get my supervisor on the line for you?”

    Caller: *whispering* “She’s getting a supervisor, but it’s going to take another 15 minutes.”

    Grumpy Old Man: *in the background* “I told you they wouldn’t fall for that you stupid woman. Just pay them their d*** money so we can order Chinese!”

    Caller: *click*

    (Not) For Children, By Children

    A Librarian With A Sense Of Humor

    Mismanaged Expectations

    | Columbia Heights, Minnesota, MN, USA | Top

    (I am the third shift manager at my store. I live only a block from my store, so when I need stuff, I just walk over. I stop in one afternoon on my day off. The store is busy and I notice a lady who is obviously upset. So, I approach just to help out.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, I work here. Is there something I can help you with?”

    Customer: “No. I need to talk to a manager, not some young punk kid.”

    (Note that I am 19.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I am actually—”

    Customer: “I said you can’t help me. I need a manager!”

    Me: *gives up* “Yes, ma’am. Let me go in back to get him…”

    (I go into our back room where I keep my work shirt most of the time with my name tag. I put them both on real quick, and come out of the back room to the customer.)

    Me: “Excuse me, you needed to speak to a manager?”

    Customer: “Yes, about time! I want to complain—”

    (She turns and sees me, realizing who I am. This just gets her more upset.)

    Customer: “What are you doing?!”

    Me: “I am a manager. How may I assist you today?”

    Customer: “How old are you? You can’t be a manager!”

    Me: “I’m nineteen, ma’am, and I am a manager. How may I assist you?”

    Customer: “This store is stupid. I’m not coming back!” *leaves*

    Lying Doesn’t Sit Well

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I’m clearing off the outdoor patio because we’ve stopped seating and our kitchen is closed. Three customers sit down at a table.)

    Me: “I’m sorry guys, but the outdoor seating is closed. Our kitchen and the dinning room are closed too, but the bar will be open till two.”

    Customers: *inaudible grumbling*

    Me: “Sorry, folks. ”

    (I clean off a few more tables. As I’m walking back inside, one of the men at the table stops me.)

    Customer: “I know you’re closed and all, but I’m just saying we were sat out here by a host. Maybe you guys should get your S*** together!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir? A host sat you without menus or silverware?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “Do you know her name or what she looked like, sir? I’d like to talk to her.”

    Customer: *stumbling for words* “I don’t know…she—”

    Me: “…Especially since the last host was cut over an hour ago, and I’m the only server still on the floor. I must say I’m VERY curious who sat you.”

    Customer: “Well…F*** YOU!” *leaves with his friends*

    Me: “Have a nice night, guys!”


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