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    (Not) For Children, By Children


    A Librarian With A Sense Of Humor


    Mismanaged Expectations

    | Columbia Heights, Minnesota, MN, USA | Top

    (I am the third shift manager at my store. I live only a block from my store, so when I need stuff, I just walk over. I stop in one afternoon on my day off. The store is busy and I notice a lady who is obviously upset. So, I approach just to help out.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, I work here. Is there something I can help you with?”

    Customer: “No. I need to talk to a manager, not some young punk kid.”

    (Note that I am 19.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I am actually—”

    Customer: “I said you can’t help me. I need a manager!”

    Me: *gives up* “Yes, ma’am. Let me go in back to get him…”

    (I go into our back room where I keep my work shirt most of the time with my name tag. I put them both on real quick, and come out of the back room to the customer.)

    Me: “Excuse me, you needed to speak to a manager?”

    Customer: “Yes, about time! I want to complain—”

    (She turns and sees me, realizing who I am. This just gets her more upset.)

    Customer: “What are you doing?!”

    Me: “I am a manager. How may I assist you today?”

    Customer: “How old are you? You can’t be a manager!”

    Me: “I’m nineteen, ma’am, and I am a manager. How may I assist you?”

    Customer: “This store is stupid. I’m not coming back!” *leaves*

    Lying Doesn’t Sit Well

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I’m clearing off the outdoor patio because we’ve stopped seating and our kitchen is closed. Three customers sit down at a table.)

    Me: “I’m sorry guys, but the outdoor seating is closed. Our kitchen and the dinning room are closed too, but the bar will be open till two.”

    Customers: *inaudible grumbling*

    Me: “Sorry, folks. ”

    (I clean off a few more tables. As I’m walking back inside, one of the men at the table stops me.)

    Customer: “I know you’re closed and all, but I’m just saying we were sat out here by a host. Maybe you guys should get your S*** together!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir? A host sat you without menus or silverware?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “Do you know her name or what she looked like, sir? I’d like to talk to her.”

    Customer: *stumbling for words* “I don’t know…she—”

    Me: “…Especially since the last host was cut over an hour ago, and I’m the only server still on the floor. I must say I’m VERY curious who sat you.”

    Customer: “Well…F*** YOU!” *leaves with his friends*

    Me: “Have a nice night, guys!”


    | Newport, TN, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

    (I’m working in the library when a patron of about 11 or 12 years of age walks up. We have the following exchange.)

    Young Patron: “Where do you have the Harry Potter books?”

    Me: “They’re right back here…”

    (I show her to the section where we keep them. She stares at them for a while.)

    Young Patron: “Can I have the Prisoner of Azkaban?”

    (I take it out and place it on a table. She opens it up and leafs through it.)

    Young Patron: “Oh my God! There are so many words! Can I have the one with less pages?!”

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