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Try Wallmart, Part 2

| New York, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

Me: “Thank you for calling Borders. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I’m redoing my kitchen right now and I could use some help. I’ve got all the counters and the floors and the cabinets planned, but I can’t decide what to do with the walls. I was thinking some kind of trim would be nice.”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: *silent*

Me: “Sorry, what are you looking for?”

Caller: “Just trying to figure out what you offer.”

Me: “Uh, well, I can do a quick search on home renovation or decorating and see what we have?”

Caller: “Don’t you have samples or something?”

Me: “What?”

Caller: *sighs loudly* “SAMPLES. Can you come over and bring me some samples?”

Me: “…What?”

Caller: “Oh, good God. Samples, honey! SAM-PLES. They come in a big binder? Show all your different kinds of wallpaper?”

Me: “You know you’ve called Borders, yes?”

Caller: “Of course!”

Me: “…and you know Borders is a bookstore?”

Caller: “No. It’s a wallpaper company.”

Me: “It’s not; it’s a bookstore. We sell books.”

Caller: “ONLY books?”

Me: “That’s right.”

Caller: “Well, then why the h*** did you name it Borders? It sounds like you do wallpaper borders and trims and things!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Do you want me to look up a book on wallpaper for you?”

Caller: “Can you install it if I find something I like?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “You’re useless!” *hangs up*

Try Wallmart

We Love To See You Smile

| North Carolina, USA | Awesome Customers, Top

(I am having a terrible day at work, and haven’t smiled once. I have just finished ringing up an older couple’s order.)

Me: “Have a good day.”

Older Customer: “Do you have any paper?”

(I give the customer some receipt paper. He gets a pen, quickly scribbles something on the paper, and hands it to me.)

Older Customer: “Everyone deserves to smile.”

(The customer then walked away. I looked at it and he had drawn me a flower. I still have it. :) )

Would You Like That For Her Or To Go

, | Lindale, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Love/Romance

(I am in drive-thru, using a head set to communicate with customers. A male customer pulls up.)

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Customer: “I’m doing well! How are you tonight?”

Me: “I’m good! What can I get for you?”

(The customer places his order, but has a question that I am unable to answer. So, my manager speaks into the headset to answer him.)


Manager: “Sir, you’ll see her at the window.”


(The customer pulls up to window.)

Customer: “TELL YOUR BOSS TO LEAVE US ALONE!” *glares at the window*

Me: “Um, yes sir…”

My Head Megahertz, Part 2

| Kansas, USA | Technology

Customer: “Hi, I would like to buy one of your trigabit hard drives.”

Me: “Did you mean terabyte? We have a few right over here.”

Customer: “No! I want a trigabit hard drive. Don’t tell me you don’t have one!”

Me: “How much are you trying to store on this drive?”

Customer: “Some family photos.”

Me: “Around how many?”

Customer: “Probably around 100. My son is very smart with computers and he said I would need at least a trigabyte!”

Me: “Well, this 500 gigabyte hard drive will have more than enough space.”

Customer: “You are frauds! I am never shopping here again!” *storms out*

My Head Megahertz

The Oldest Chick In The Book

| Deland, FL, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money

Caller: “I don’t understand why I have a late fee on my account. I always pay on time.”

Me: “Okay, I would be happy to look into that for you today. I see the late fee and I think I see the problem. However, I would like a brief minute to continue looking through your account to verify why you are receiving late fees. May I please place you on hold?”

Caller: “Okay, then.”

(I check her statements for the last 6 months and see that she missed two consecutive payments. She recently started paying only $5 a month.)

Me: “Thank you for holding. I apologize for the wait. I think I see what happened. I see that we have been receiving your $5 payments by the due date. However, they do not cover your $127 minimum payment, so you are being charged late fees.”

Caller: “But I’m making my payment on time.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, however the payment that we are receiving does not cover your minimum due.”

Caller: “But you’re getting my payment before the due date.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but $5 does not cover your minimum due.”

Caller: “Well, what is my minimum due?”

Me: “Your minimum due on your last statement was $127.”

Caller: “So that pays off my account. I’ll pay you $127 and you can’t charge me any more fees, right? That will pay off my account.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but $127 was the amount that you owed us for the month of January. You will still owe us another minimum payment by February 28th.”

Caller: “Okay, so how many months do I have to pay to pay off my account?”

Me: “Well, as stated on your last statement, you would have to pay the minimum due for 5 years on time each month to pay off your balance.”

Caller: “Well, how much is that?”

Me: “$6,200.”

Caller: “So, how will it take me to pay off my balance if I pay $5 a month?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but since $5 does not cover your minimum payment and our late fees are $35, you would be unable to pay off your balance.”

Caller: “Well, why would you do that? You just want everyone to give you $5 every month for the rest of their lives! Let me talk to your supervisor! You people can’t do that! It’s ILLEGAL!”

Me: “Okay, may I please place you on a brief 1 to 2 minute hold while I get my supervisor on the line for you?”

Caller: *whispering* “She’s getting a supervisor, but it’s going to take another 15 minutes.”

Grumpy Old Man: *in the background* “I told you they wouldn’t fall for that you stupid woman. Just pay them their d*** money so we can order Chinese!”

Caller: *click*