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    Dingbats In The Drive-Thru

    , | Derby, UK | Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in the drive-thru area of a well known fast food store. I’m taking an order out to a customer who, instead of parking in the designated bays, has parked in the main car park. The car he is parked next to just happens to be mine.)

    Me: “One burger meal?”

    (The customer throws open his door with great speed, slamming it into my car and leaving a noticeable dent. In shock, I drop his paper bag.)

    Customer: “What on EARTH do you think you’re doing?!”

    Me: “You just hit my car!”

    Customer: “Oh, I didn’t realise it was yours.”

    (At this point I’m too shocked to do anything other than stand there and try not to cry.)

    Customer: “So, are you going to compensate me?”

    Me: “What for?”

    Customer: “You just dropped my food on the floor. I demand a full refund and maybe some extras.”

    Me: “Sir, you just dented my car with extreme force. I don’t particularly feel inclined to do anything other than replace the meal I dropped, to be completely honest.”

    Customer: “That is RIDICULOUS! You owe me £5 for that meal!”

    Me: “With all due respect sir, if I may please have your insurance details, we’ll see just how much you owe me!”

    Too Hot To Give A Hoot

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I work at an amusement park where one of my jobs is to hand out 3D glasses and entertain guests before the show. A guest and his wife come up the queue on a particularly hot day.)

    Me: *handing them glasses* “Here you are! Enjoy the show.”

    Guest: “This is a 3D movie?”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Guest: “And it’s inside?’

    Me: “Yeah, and it’s air conditioned, so it’s definitely worth it.”

    Guest: “What’s it about?”

    Me: “It’s a ten minute movie about dinosaurs.”

    Guest Wife: “I don’t care if y’all got a hooters show in there. If it’s air conditioned, we’re going!”

    Sum Dim Customers

    | Austin, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Me: “What can I fix for you today?”

    Customer: “Uh, I’ll have a Tai Chi.”

    Me: “A…what?”

    Customer: “A Tai Chi!”

    Me: “Oh, you mean a Chai Tea!”

    Customer: “No, it’s a TAI CHI!”

    Next Customer: “Ma’am, Tai Chi is a form of Asian exercise.”

    Me: *to first customer* “Here’s your drink.”

    Customer: *snaps up her drink and rushes out*

    Next Customer: “Whatcha got in an aerobic latte?”

    How About We Read You The Riot Act

    | Cape Town, South Africa | Love/Romance

    Customer: “Hi, I am looking for a fashion book.”

    Me: “Sure, sir. Do you know the title or any specifics?”

    Customer: “No, I do not.”

    Me: “I will show you the fashion section then, sir.”

    (As we walk to the fashion section…)

    Customer: “I don’t know why people read; it’s like a disease! I find Facebook and other things on the internet are more fun.”

    Me: “I enjoy reading, sir. It’s quite stimulating and exciting.”

    Customer: “So, if you read, that means you don’t have a girlfriend?”

    Me: “I do have a girlfriend. We have been together a long time.”

    Customer: “How does she put up with you reading?”

    Me: “She enjoys reading too, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh, so you two must have a very boring life together and do nothing fun!”

    Working Like A Dog

    , | USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (At our fast food restaurant, a customer walks in with a seeing eye dog. It’s in training with a clearly-marked blue vest and two trainers. However, a customer behind her begins complaining.)

    Customer: “Man, I thought your sign said dogs ain’t allowed!”

    Me: *to a trainer* “Ma’am, it’s a working dog in training, correct?”

    Trainer: “Yes. She has to be trained in public before they’ll allow her to go to a patient.”

    Me: “Sir, she’s a working dog. They’re allowed in public buildings by state law.”

    Customer: “Man, that’s bulls***!”

    Me: “Why’s that, sir?”

    Customer: “That dog don’t work here!”


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