(I work in a call center as a supervisor. I overhear this conversation.)

Representative: “Thank you for holding. This is [Pakistani name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’m sorry, what is your name?”

Representative: “[Pakistani name], sir.”

Customer: “Where are you located?”

Representative: “In Chicago, sir.”

Customer: “Are you sure you’re not in India? You sound like you’re Indian.”

(Note: the rep was born and raised in Chicago and is the son of an English father and Pakistani mother. He has no accent whatsoever.)

Representative: “Sir, I am certain we are in Chicago.”

Customer: “I want to talk to an American! I don’t want to talk to someone in India.”

Representative: “Sir, I was born and raised in the US. My parents are English and Pakistani, not Indian.”

Customer: “I want to talk to someone in America!”

Representative: “Sir, again I can assure you: you are talking to an American in America.”

Customer: “I WANT TO TALK TO AN AMERICAN!”

Representative: “Sir, I am an American.”

Customer: “I know you people are in India! I’m complaining to my company that they outsourced us to you!” *hangs up*

(I am currently going through medical school and working at a nearby hardware store part-time to help pay the bills. As part of study, students have been given internships at various local hospitals. Note: New Zealanders pride themselves on their DIY skills.)

Customer: “Hey mate, I need some stuff to build a deck. Can ya help me find it?”

Me: “Certainly, what were you after?”

(As per our instruction, after recommending the tools and materials the customer would need, I am required to point out various safety gear as well. All has been going great so far…)

Me: “May I also recommend that you grab some safety glasses? They could save you a lot of trouble if things happen to go wrong.”

Customer: *suddenly hostile* “Look, mate, I don’t need any of this s***! I know how it needs to be done. Any real man does! If you were a real man, you’d know too. I ain’t paying for any s*** I don’t need!”

(He eventually leaves, but not before complaining to customer service about me. Three days later while working at the hospital as a medical student, I take the same customer’s history. The reason: he had a splinter lodged in the side of his eye. I wish I was making this up!)

(I have just brought a middle-aged couple back from a test drive. We are going over the price of the car.)

Me: “With your trade and money down, we’re looking at about $400 per month for the base model, and $440 per month fully-loaded.”

Husband: “But we only wanted to spend $500 to $550 or more per month!”

Me: “…Excuse me?”

Wife: “Like he said, we’re looking to spend no more than $550.”

Me: “Well, yes. Even if you get the fully loaded model, it’s far under $500 per month.”

Husband: “NO! What part of ‘$500 per month’ don’t you understand?”

Me: “Not a problem, sir. I definitely think we can make the numbers work for you at $500 per.”

Wife: “Much better. We’ll take it, then!”

Customer: “Can you tell me if this pair of pants is discounted?”

(I scan the pants.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but these are full price.”

Customer: “But that sign says, ’40% Off Jackets and Vests’!” *looks at me expectantly*

Me: “Yes, I can see that.”

Customer: “Then these pants must be 40% off!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s 40% off jackets and vests.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “Pants aren’t jackets nor vests.”

Customer: “Really?!” *walks away, perplexed*