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    Archive for 2012

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    Aisle Always Need Directions, Part 3

    | Minnesota, USA | Wild & Unruly

    Customer: “Where’s my movie?”

    Me: “Can I see your ticket real quick?”

    Customer: “I left it in my movie. I just went to get popcorn. Where’s my movie?”

    Me: “What theater are you in, sir?”

    Customer: “I want to know where my movie is!”

    Me: “Well, what movie are you seeing?”

    Customer: “MY MOVIE!”

    Me: *taken aback* “I-I’m sorry, sir. If you won’t tell me what you’re seeing, I can’t help you.”

    Customer: *throws his entire bucket of popcorn and a large soda on the floor and storms out of the theater*

    Related:
    Aisle Always Need Directions, Part 2
    Aisle Always Need Directions

    Hardcovers Vs. Hard Hats

    | Melbourne, Australia | Crazy Requests

    Customer: “Hi, do you have any safety vests?”

    Me: “Safety vests?”

    Customer: “Yeah. Safety vests.”

    Me: “Like the ones that are neon yellow with reflective stripes?”

    Customer: “Yes! A safety vest! Are you an idiot?”

    Me: “Uhhh, no sir, but we’re a science fiction bookstore. You’d want a hardware store for that kind of thing.”

    Customer: “Well, why DON’T you sell them?”

    Me: “Because we sell books.”

    Customer: “Well, you should!”

    Me: “I don’t think many of our customers would normally want a safety vest when they come into a bookstore, sir.”

    Customer: “Well, I did!”

    Related:
    Please See The “Time Travel” Section

    Dining With A Toddler

    Via.

    Take Your Time, And Ours Too

    | Ohio, USA | Food & Drink, Technology, Time

    (Note: I have been trying to help a caller get logged into our website for 20 minutes, but she keeps mistyping her username.)

    Me: “Alright, let’s try this again. Remember that your username is ******. So, try it again and I’ll wait for you to type.”

    Caller: “Okay, I’ll try it again. Just give me a minute to type.”

    (For a few minutes, there is silence. Then, I hear her get up, walk away from the phone, and begin to punch what sounds like microwave buttons. Soon afterwards, I hear popcorn popping.)

    Me: *confused* “Are you still trying to enter your username?”

    Caller: “Oh! Are we still trying to get me logged in? I thought we were just chatting now, and I thought I would make myself a snack!”

    Customers Can Be Tiring

    , | Portland, OR, USA | Top, Wild & Unruly

    (As part of our Memorial Day Weekend special, our tire shop is offering a flat rate $10 tire patch for flat tires. A customer calls ahead to inquire, and walks into our store an hour later.)

    Customer: “I’m here to get the $10 tire patch.”

    (The customer places an extremely old tire on the counter.)

    Me: “I apologize, but this tire is beyond patching. You are going to need to purchase a new tire.”

    Customer: “To h*** I am! You told me on the phone that you could fix this tire for $10, and that’s exactly what you’re going to do.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we can only patch tires with holes or leaks that are in otherwise good condition. This tire has multiple slash marks, and at least five nails that I can count. Not to mention, the rim is corroded and warped.”

    Customer: “Bulls***! You’re doing this because I’m a woman. Don’t think I’m smart enough to know my tires? Well, I’m smart enough to know that your commercials says that I can throw this tire through your window if I’m not satisfied!”

    (The customer tries—and fails—to throw her tire through our front glass. After a few attempts, she picks up a tire iron and starts breaking any glass she can find, including our front window and door. I manage to wrestle the tire iron away from her. At that moment, a policeman also walks in with his own tires.)

    Me: “Ma’am, firstly, that commercial was clearly from [our competitor]. Secondly, there is an armed officer literally right behind you!”

    Policeman: *sighs* “Ma’am, you’re under arrest for disorderly conduct and destruction of property.” *to me* “Can I go ahead and get these two tires replaced? I’ll pick them up when I’m done with the paperwork on all of this…”

    (The woman is arrested and taken away. Everyone in the store remains silent as we reflect on the damage.)

    Manager: “What the f*** just happened?!”

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