(I work in the hotel department on a cruise line. A coworker and I are talking about me going to London to study.)

Me: “I’m so glad I’m single. Would be awful to have a long distance relationship for three years.”

Coworker: “I’m sure you’ll find a hot French guy there! I mean there are hordes of them there. You can just take your pick!”

Me: “I’m not specifically after a French guy, and I didn’t know there were that many of them in London.”

Coworker: “Sure there are, it’s LONDON! Where else would they be?”

Me: “…In France?”

Coworker: “But that’s where you’re going.”

Me: “No, I’m going to London.”

Coworker: “Yes and London is in France!”

(I’m thinking she’s joking but she’s looking at me, dead serious.)

Me: “London is in England.”

Coworker: “No, it’s not. It’s the capital of France.”

Me: “No, sweetie… Paris is the capital of France. London is the capital of England!”

Coworker: “No… but… oh, yeah! But I’m sure you’ll find a French guy there anyway!”

Me: *facepalm*

(I have just finished swimming at a public pool and am going to get changed. A woman in her early 40s is standing near my locker. I am wearing speedos, but I am 16 and slim so it doesn’t usually bother people.)

Woman: “You shouldn’t be wearing those.”

Me: “Sorry?”

(She approaches me and points at my speedos.)

Woman: “You shouldn’t wear those trunks. They’re what gay people wear!”

Me: *speechless*

Woman: “Are you gay?”

Me: “No, I’m not. I just find them comfortable to swim in.”

Woman: “Well, if you’re not gay, you shouldn’t be wearing them!”

(She then grabs the waistband of my speedos and tries to pull them down. Thankfully they’re tied tight. I slap her hands away.)

Me: “Woah, what the h***?!”

Woman: “You need to get them off or you’ll become gay!”

(The sound of her screaming draws the attention of a lifeguard, who wanders over.)

Lifeguard: “What’s going on here?”

Woman: “Get away from me!”

(The woman runs off, leaving me and the lifeguard to look at one another in confusion. I’ve now started swimming at a different pool!)

(I work at a major pet retail store. A customer approaches the register, talking on her cell phone, and puts a dog toy on the counter.)

Customer: “[Competitor] has this for $7.99 and you’re charging $9.99! It’s too expensive!”

Me: “I can price match it for you, ma’am—”

Customer: “You shouldn’t charge so much! It’s ridiculous!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s—”

Customer: *to her friend on the phone* “It’s so expensive here!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s only two dollars.”

Customer: *embarrassed* “I don’t have two dollars. I only have a credit card.”

Me: “We take credit for any amount, ma’am.”

(The customer swipes her card, takes her purchase, and rushes off, talking to her friend on the phone.)

Customer: “Oh my God, I’m so embarrassed! I just made a huge fuss and it was only two dollars!”

(I am a customer getting my items, when, from behind me, a man around 20 to 30 years old goes up to one of the store’s employees.)

Customer: “Where the h*** do you keep your F***ING baked beans?!”

Employee: “Baked beans? Right this way, sir.”

(I am in need of baked beans myself, so I decide to follow them.)

Employee: “Here are our baked beans, sir.”

Customer: “These are NOT baked beans!”

Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, but these are baked beans.”

Customer: “No! These are TIN beans. I want baked beans!”

Employee: “Sir, the baked beans are inside the tins.”

Customer: “What? I don’t want them in a tin. I want them out of the tin!”

Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, but this is how baked beans are stored.”

Customer: “Baked beans don’t need to be stored!” *storms out of the store*

(After visiting an out-of-state friend, I’m taking the bus back to my home. On the way back, the bus stops in Tennessee, and I take the opportunity to grab a bite to eat at the bus stations diner. Going to the counter, I realize that the current customer is really going at it with the poor girl behind the register, who seems to have some sort of mental disability, and is having a very hard time understanding the woman’s order.)

Employee: “So, that was… cheese fries and—”

Customer: “Are you deaf?! I said a hot dog. A hot dog!”

Employee: “Yes, a hot dog, ma’am. Are you still wanting the cheese fries that you—”

Customer: “Why the f*** do you keep bringing up cheese fries! I never f***ing said anything about cheese fries!”

(The poor employee looks close to tears at this point, and people surrounding the counter are starting to stare.)

Employee: “Yes, ma’am, I understand. I’m sorry for my misunderstanding.”

Customer: *sighs* “Honestly, the standards of these places…”

(The customer steps to the side, muttering to herself, and I place my order. I speak calmly and make sure to apologize for how the previous customer has treated the employee. While I’m still waiting for my food, the annoyed customer’s meal comes up. Coming back to the counter, she takes one look and it’s obvious something is wrong.)

Customer: “Where are my godd*** cheese fries?! Are you really that stupid?!”

Employee: “Ma’am… I thought… I’ll get them for you ma’am.”

(While the customer is still waiting on the cheese fries that she clearly did not order, she turns to me to complain.)

Customer: “Can you believe these people? I’ve been on a bus for four hours and I can only be treated this well? Honestly, did you see that? Is she stupid?”

Me: “Yes ma’am, I did see that, and I don’t think she’s stupid. She treated you with more respect than I think you’ve treated anyone your entire life. You’ve been on a bus for four hours? She’s been working this job, dealing with people like you for a while now. I think we know who’s better off.”

(My food comes up, and I collect it.)

Me: *to the employee* “Thank you!”

Employee: *gives me a small smile*

(After this, the customer just stood there and stared, embarrassed. Thankfully, I didn’t see her again before left. And to top it off, I got a free drink!)