Via.

(I am walking down one of our grocery store’s aisles when I overhear a couple talking.)

Husband: “Crap, I dropped my coffee. Honey, find some paper towels.”

Wife: “What?! No! Just leave it there. They have people walk around and clean up these things. It’s fine!”

Husband: “Um, I—”

Wife: “Just leave it! We have too much to do.”

(The wife then turns and sees me. She doesn’t miss a beat.)

Wife: “Someone just dropped this and left it. People are slobs. You should clean this up before someone gets hurt!”

(I am taking an order over the phone. The caller has never ordered here before and isn’t familiar with the menu.)

Caller: “How many slices are on your 12 inch?”

Me: “8.”

Caller: “What about your 18 inch?”

Me: “8.”

Caller: “I thought the 12 inch had 8 slices.”

Me: “It does. They both have 8 slices.”

Caller: “How is that possible? If they both have 8 slices, shouldn’t they be the same size?”

Me: “No, miss. The slices are just different sizes. The number of slices doesn’t make the size of the pizza. They both have 8 slices, but the 18 inch has much bigger slices.”

Caller: “Oh. Right. Can you cut it twice, to make the slices smaller?”

Me: “Of course. We can double cut it for you.”

Caller: “So, how many slices would that be? What, 12?”

Me: “16.”

Caller: “No. If you normally have 8 slices, and you cut them twice, it should be 12 pieces, not 16.”

Me: “It’s 16, Miss. 8 times 2 is 16.”

Caller: “Whatever…I don’t think so. You have wings?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “What sizes?”

Me: “8, 12, 18, 24, and 50.”

Caller: “Oh, alright. I’ll take a 10 piece.”

Me: “We have an 8 piece and a 12 piece.”

Caller: “No, I said a 10 piece.”

Me: “I know…we don’t have a 10 piece, but we do have an 8 piece or a 12 piece.”

Caller: “I’m pretty sure you have a 10 piece. My sister said she always gets a ten piece. Are you new? Maybe you should check the menu!”

Me: “I’ve worked here for 3 years. We’ve never had a 10 piece and I’m looking at the menu on the computer right now. 8 or 12?”

Caller: “Fine. 12!”

(I’m attempting to let a customer know via telephone that we want to treat their yard the next day.)

Me: “Hi this is—”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Hi, this is—”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Th—”

Customer: “What?”

Me: *quickly* “This is [lawn care company] calling.”

Customer: “Oh, yes.”

Me: “We’d like to put down an application tomorrow.”

Customer: “Does it need to be mowed first?”

Me: “No, it d—”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “No, it d—”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “N—”

Customer: “You’re cutting out.”

Me: “I—”

Customer: “WHY DO YOU KEEP CUTTING OUT?!”

Me: “Because you keep talking over me.”

Customer: “I do what?”

Me: “You keep t—”

Customer: “I do no such thing!”