Customer: “Do you have butane?”

Me: “Butane?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Butane, like the gas?”

Customer: “Yes, it’s for your skin and hair.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I doubt that’s safe. Butane is a type of lighter fluid. I am almost positive it is not beneficial for your hair or skin.”

Customer: “I use it all the time. I swallow it and it works. Butane.”

(Puzzled, I look at the woman for a few…and then it hits me.)

Me: “Do you mean biotin?”

Customer: “Yes, butane!”

(I work for a call center for a popular marine life theme park in Florida.)

Caller: “I need to cancel the pass for one of my members. He’s deceased.”

(I look into the account and realize that a few months prior, she had another pass for the same guy cancelled as well, due to him also being deceased. Since the first cancelled pass, this individual had been to the park four separate times.)

Me: “Ma’am, I apologize, but I am unable to cancel this pass. For verification purposes, you would need to fax the appropriate paperwork or go to guest relations at the park.”

Caller: *defeated* “Fine, how about I just pay it off in full?”

(A middle-aged man approaches my register with a carton of beer, which he struggles to lift onto the counter.)

Customer: “I must be getting old. I can’t even get it up anymore!”

(There’s a long awkward silence as he realizes what he said.)

Customer: “Oh…I’m so sorry!”

(I work in a big box retailer in the toy department. A customer approaches me when I’m stocking in the Barbie aisle to ask a question.)

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a specific Barbie and I was wondering if you had it in.”

Me: “Okay, which one?”

Customer: “Do you have Fascist Barbie?”

Me: “Fascist Barbie?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s Fascist Barbie.”

Me: *confused* “Uh, no, we don’t have a Fascist Barbie doll.”

Customer: “Really? I can’t find that anywhere! I don’t really know the name of it. It’s like fascist. Fashion-something Barbie.”

Me: “Oh, Fashionista Barbie?”

Customer: *suddenly happy* “Yes! That’s it!”

Me: “Yeah, we have those. They’re right over here.”

(A customer is filling out a handgun license application.)

Customer: “It asks here if I have a misdemeanor for domestic violence.”

Me: “Yes, that is what it is asking you.”

Customer: “You can’t buy a gun if you have a domestic violence charge?”

Me: “Of course not. You can’t even legally be in this store.”

Customer: “What do you mean, ‘Of course not’? You f****** b****!”

Me: “Have a good one.”

Customer: *grabs paperwork, tears it up, and tosses it at me*

Customer: “Don’t get upset, okay?”

Me: *confused* “…okay?”

Customer: “Just, please don’t be mad at me.”

Me: “Um, all right.”

Customer: “I like your hair.”

Me: “Thanks.”

Customer: “It’s a compliment.”

Me: “I know. Thanks.”

Customer: “So, don’t get mad.”

Me: “Okay…”

(A customer calls and needs a password reset. I reset it and the password has upper and lower case letters and a number in it.)

Me: “Okay, I have a new password for you.”

(I spell out the password for the customer to write down.)

Customer: “Thanks. Is the 4 capital, too?”

Related:
As Easy As !-@-#

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this item, I can’t give it as a gift .”

(He hands me a copy of Pygmalion.)

Me: “That shouldn’t be a problem. Is there anything wrong with it?”

Customer: “Turns out it’s a play. They wont be able to read it.”

Me: “Oh, they don’t like plays?”

Customer: “No, they can’t read it because there aren’t enough people to read the parts!”

Me: “Might I suggest that they just read it like a regular book?”

Customer: *looks at me like I’m crazy*