(I am at school with my girlfriend, not long before our nine-month anniversary. We stop to say hello to a teacher we both had years before. I decide to tell the teacher about our upcoming anniversary.)
Girlfriend and I: *together* “Hi, Mrs.[name]!”
Teacher: “Hi!”
Me: *hugging girlfriend* “Almost nine months!”
(Our teacher looks at me strangely, and covers her mouth with one hand.)
Me: *realizing what I said, and blushing* “Uh. since we started dating!”
Manager: “And who was helping you today?”
Customer #1: *points to me* “That nice blue-haired girl over there. I think it’s so fun that she has blue hair. Very unique.”
Manager: “We think it’s awesome. Have a good day!” *turns to next customer* “Hello! Who helped you out today?”
Customer #2: *points to me* “That heathen with the blue devil hair and no makeup on.”
Manager: “That’ll be $34.50. You have a nice day.”
Customer #2: *yells across store* “Thank you for the help, heathen!”
Every Worker In The Store: “YOU’RE WELCOME!”
Customer: “Do you have guacamole here?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am.”
Customer: “Because I asked for guacamole at [competition], and they gave me this smooshy baby-poo green stuff!”
(I have just started working at a popular women’s lingerie store and still don’t really know all of the bras that we sell.)
Customer: “I am looking for a bra. I don’t know the name of it, but I know what it looks like.”
Me: “Well, if you can tell me about it, I can help you find it.”
Customer: “I think it’s called the Unstoppable.”
Me: “Oh, that’s the Unforgettable.”
Customer: “No, no, that’s not it.”
Me: “Well, would you like me to show you the bra I have in mind?”
Customer: “No, thank you! You have been no help at all and if I see a manager, I’m going to talk to her.”
(The customer walks off and then comes back holding the Unforgettable bra.)
Customer: “I found it! It was the Unforgettable, just like I told you!”
Boyfriend: “So, guess what we’re doing tonight?”
(He has been dangling this in front of me all day.)
Me: “I have no idea. None. Zip. Zilch. Nada. What are we doing?”
Boyfriend: *excited* “We’re going to see the Muppets movie!”
(I release an unintelligible, loud, incredibly excited scream.)
Girls across from us: “Congratulations!”
Boyfriend: *whispering* “I think that those girls thought that I just proposed to you.”
