(I am a greeter for the line to get pictures taken with Santa. A young mother and her two-year-old walk in.)
Me: “Hi! How are you folks doing today? Some little guy sure is adorable!”
Mom: “Hi! Oh, thanks! He looks just like Justin Bieber!”
Me: “Er… congratulations?”
(I’m living away from home, going to school. My parents call me almost every night for a short chat.)
Mom: “How was class today, honey?”
Me: “I didn’t have class. I had my lab exam, remember?”
Mom: “Oh, right. Did you learn anything new?”
Me: “No, I had my lab exam!”
Mom: “Oh, right. When’s your lab exam?”
Me: “Today!”
Mom: “Oh, right. When’s your next exam?”
Me: “Monday. Mom, I’m going to head off now.”
Mom: “Ok, honey, love you. Good luck in your exam tomorrow.”
(My dad purchases a new plunger, and is in the bathroom telling my mom how to use it.)
Dad: *sarcastically* “You know, for the new plunger, you have to pull the handle out before you can use it.”
Mom: “I know how to use a plunger.”
Sister: “Are you sure? You know you’ve got to put it in the toilet, right? And then push.”
Me: “And then pull.”
Sister: “And then push.”
Me: “And then pull.”
Sister: “And then push.”
Me: “And then pull.”
Sister: “And then you’ve got to take it out of the toilet before you sit down.”
(Dad starts cracking up.)
Mom: “I hate all of you.”
(I have just started working at a popular women’s lingerie store and still don’t really know all of the bras that we sell.)
Customer: “I am looking for a bra. I don’t know the name of it, but I know what it looks like.”
Me: “Well, if you can tell me about it, I can help you find it.”
Customer: “I think it’s called the Unstoppable.”
Me: “Oh, that’s the Unforgettable.”
Customer: “No, no, that’s not it.”
Me: “Well, would you like me to show you the bra I have in mind?”
Customer: “No, thank you! You have been no help at all and if I see a manager, I’m going to talk to her.”
(The customer walks off and then comes back holding the Unforgettable bra.)
Customer: “I found it! It was the Unforgettable, just like I told you!”
(I am at school with my girlfriend, not long before our nine-month anniversary. We stop to say hello to a teacher we both had years before. I decide to tell the teacher about our upcoming anniversary.)
Girlfriend and I: *together* “Hi, Mrs.[name]!”
Teacher: “Hi!”
Me: *hugging girlfriend* “Almost nine months!”
(Our teacher looks at me strangely, and covers her mouth with one hand.)
Me: *realizing what I said, and blushing* “Uh. since we started dating!”
