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One Good Takeout Deserves Another

| New York, NY, USA | Food & Drink, Holidays, Top

(A few years ago, around noon on Christmas day, several dozen Chinese people walked in to our Kosher deli style restaurant, apparently in a group. One walked up to the front desk.)

Man: *softly* “Is it okay if we’re here?”

Hostess: “Yes, we serve everyone, but are you sure you’re in the right place?”

Man: “This is [restaurant], right?”

Hostess: “Yes sir, it is.”

Man: “Well, we figured since you Jews are all coming to our restaurants tonight, we’d return the favor.”

Hostess: *slightly shocked* “Thanks. Right this way…we’ll seat you!”

(…and they’ve been back every year since!)

Intelligence May Vary

| Lancaster, PA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “How much are the belly-button rings?”

Me: “The prices vary depending on the style. I’d have to check if you’re interested in a specific one.”

(The girl walks over to her mom in an aisle within earshot.)

Mom: “How much are they?”

Customer: “She said they vary.”

Mom: “What is that supposed to mean? That I can’t afford them?!”

Waiting For Opportuniteas

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

(I am making a lot of drinks. I place a drink on the counter and shout “green iced tea” so the owner of the drink can pick it up. A woman sitting with her husband at one of the tables, without any drinks, speaks up.)

Customer: “Is that a free iced tea?”

Me: “Green.”

Customer: “No, is that a free iced tea?”

Me: *enunciating* “Green.”

Customer: “Oh, sorry, I thought you said free, like someone had left it. I was like ‘I’ll take it!” *laughs*

Me: “What was your drink?”

Customer: “Oh, we didn’t order drinks. We were just sitting here…”

Perhaps It’s The Space Between Their Ears

| Australia | Uncategorized

(A customer rushes in flustered.)

Me: “Can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yes, I need something, but I’m not sure what.”

Me: “Uh, okay. Is it an appliance, like a kettle or toaster, or are you after a TV or vacuum cleaner?”

Customer: *getting agitated* “No! I need something, you know to clean between my floor and ceiling!”

Me: confused “So…to clean the room?”

Customer: “You people are all the same, trying to sell me something every time I’m in here!” *storms out*

Placebo Me, Part 3

| Colorado, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in the footwear department at a sports store.)

Customer: “I would like to return these hiking boots.”

Me: “These boots look like they have been worn outdoors. I need a manager to approve this return.”

Manager: “Why are you returning these boots? Was there something wrong with them?”

Customer: “Yes, they kept tripping me…”

(The customer and her husband argue for about 5 minutes before finally my manager gets fed up and gives in.)

Manager, to me: “Could you please help this lady find some hiking boots that won’t trip her?”

Me, to customer: “Do any of these hiking boots catch your eye?”

Customer: “Oh, these are cute.”

(I turn to see her holding up a pair of boots identical to the pair she had just returned.)

Related:
Placebo Me, Part 2
Placebo Me

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