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    Archive for 2011

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    GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity

    | Brisbane, Australia |

    Me: “Hello, this is [taxi service]. Can I have your pickup address please?”

    Caller: “I don’t know!”

    Me: “Well, you will need to tell me some kind of an address.”

    Caller: “Why can’t you just ‘GPS’ me?”

    No Faith In Science

    | Canberra, Australia |

    Child: “What’s the Cretaceous period?”

    Mother: “Something scientists made up.”

    Me: *chiming in* “It’s the third period that the dinosaurs lived in. It was from about 140-65 million years ago.”

    Child: “Really?”

    Mother: “The Cretaceous period is just something that scientists made up to dispute Christ.” *turns to face me* “But we won’t get into that.”

    What’s Yours Is Mine

    | NC, USA |

    (In our arcade, we have redeemable prizes for tickets you win by playing games.)

    Me: *after counting a little girl’s tickets* “Okay, you have 25 tickets.”

    Customer: “Give me a watermelon Air Head!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. You don’t have enough tickets for that.”

    Customer: “But my President is black!”

    Me: “And so is mine.”

    Looking Down The Barrel Of A Smoking Gum

    | Madison, WI, USA |

    (I hear this conversation in my checkout line.)

    Customer #1: “Oh my God, I love that nicotine gum! It makes my mouth feel all numb.”

    Customer #2: “You know that stuff’s going to get you addicted to cigarettes, right?”

    Customer #1: “Nah! That stuff gets you un-addicted to them and I don’t smoke. I’m fine!”

    Deaf Defying Customers

    | WA, USA |

    (Please note, I am hearing impaired.)

    Customer: “Hello. Do you have any [brand] perfume?”

    Me: “No we don’t.”

    Customer: “But… but… I want it!”

    Me: “You could try one of the outlet stores. Currently this store does not carry it.”

    Customer: “Why don’t you call the store in Bellingham?”

    Me: “I could check online for you to see if we have it in stock in Bellingham, but the stores do not carry it.”

    Customer: *shouting* “Call the f***ing store!”

    Me: “I’m hearing impaired. I cannot talk on the phone.”

    Customer: “Just f***ing call them!”

    (I proceed to call the store, but because I cannot hear I am constantly asking the person on the other end to repeat what they are saying.)

    Customer: “What are you, deaf?!”

    Me: “Yes, actually.”

    *pause*

    Customer: “Oh.”


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