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    Archive for 2011

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    So Pho, So Crazy, Part 2

    | Baltimore, MD, USA |

    Me: “Hello ma’am, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Sorry, I was just curious. What ethnicity are you?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m Vietnamese.”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “You know, from Vietnam?”

    *blank stare*

    Me: “…like the Vietnam War?”

    Customer: “Oh! You were in that?”

    Related:
    So Pho, So Crazy

    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 3

    | New Brunswick, NJ, USA |

    (Note: I am a customer.)

    Fellow Customer: *heavily accented* “Excuse me. Where are the pipe cleaners?”

    Me: “Sorry sir, I don’t work here. I have no idea.”

    (He moves off to meet with two others, who have a conversation. I move on, when another from the group approaches me.)

    Fellow Customer #2: “Hi. Where are your pipe cleaners?”

    Me: “I don’t know. I don’t work here.”

    Fellow Customer #2: “Oh.” *long pause* “I want green ones.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I meant I don’t work here. I’m also shopping.”

    (He walks back to his group, who have another hushed conversation. The third person comes over. By now, a fourth customer is watching with amusement.)

    Fellow Customer #3: “I’m sorry, they’re new to America and don’t follow much English.”

    Me: “That’s alright.”

    Fellow Customer #3: “We can’t find those long green–”

    Me: “No, I don’t work here. I’m just shopping here, too.”

    Fellow Customer #3: “Oh, alright. You just seemed to know where you were going. Sorry to bother you.”

    (He and his friends leave to find someone in the dark blue of the store’s uniform.)

    Other Customer: “Wow. Took them long enough!”

    Me: *laughing a little* “Yeah, I guess I’m still in work-mode.”

    Other Customer: “So, where is your yarn?”

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 2
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here

    Special Sale: Half Price Gravity

    | N. Mankato, MN, USA |

    (I work in customer service at a call center. We were running a promotion on engraved pens and the caller has decided she wants to buy 5000 pens. She inquires about shipping and upon hearing the price begins drilling me on the weight of the pens (233.33lbs) and the full cost of the order ($1,576.36).)

    Me:“Okay, so shipping looks like it will be about $100.”

    Customer:“Why so much?”

    Me: “Well, as that is a very large number of metal pens. The weight will be about 233.33 pounds.”

    Customer: “But why does it weigh so much?”

    Me: “Because, ma’am, that’s 5000 metal pens.”

    Customer: “But how much does that cost total?”

    Me: “$1,576.36.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll call back tomorrow and see how much it weighs then.”

    Faux Papa

    | PA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store name], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hello! I was just wondering if I could return something to your store.”

    Me: “Sure! That is no problem. Do you still have the receipt?”

    Caller: “Yes I do.”

    Me: “Than that should be no problem. Feel free to bring it in.”

    Caller: “Oh, thank you so much. You see, I bought it for my son’s new baby, but it turns out that it’s not his…”

    Cat-Nipped In The Bud

    | VA, USA | Top

    (I am talking to a first time cat owner about the cat she is interested in. Another woman walks in.)

    Customer #1: “Now, do I have to clean them like I would a dog?”

    Me: “No, generally cats will bathe themselves.”

    Customer #2: “Actually, you will want to bathe them. We bath our cat once a week.”

    Me: “Well, we normally recommend you don’t bathe a cat because most cats really hate water.”

    Customer #2: “We bathe our cat all the time and it keeps her clean.”

    Me: “I’m sure that works for you, but with a new cat you don’t know. I really suggest that this woman does not bathe the cat.”

    Customer #2: “No! You should bathe the cat to keep it clean!”

    (After several minutes of her insisting this, I eventually agree and she leaves. After checking that she is out of sight, I turn back to the first customer.)

    Me: “Don’t bathe the cat.”

    Customer #1: “I won’t.”

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