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    Sure They Can Cobble Something Together

    | Salem, OR, USA |

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant], may I take your order please?”

    Customer: “I want a Cobb Salad, no Cobb!”

    Me: “No what?”

    Customer: “No Cobb! I don’t want no Cobb!”

    Me: “Cobb was the chef who invented the salad, he is not an ingredient. We put eggs, tomato, bacon, chicken and blue cheese on our salad.”

    Customer: “Blue cheese! That’s what I don’t want! No Cobb!”

    Me: *giving up* “One Cobb salad, no blue cheese. That will be [price], thank you!”

    (At the window.)

    Customer: “That don’t got no Cobb, right?”

    A Mother With Breast Intentions

    | Muskegon, MI, USA |

    Customer: “I’m looking for a video game for my 14-year old son. Do you have any suggestions?”

    Me: “God of War just came out, and that’s pretty popular. It’s kind of a hack and slash game. Let me show you.”

    (I show her the game.)

    Me: “I do want to warn you, it might not be appropriate for him.”

    Customer: “Why is that?”

    Me: “Well, it has a lot of boobs in it.”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s fine. My son loves boobs!”

    A Victim Of Fur-Ball Abuse

    | Ft Worth, TX, USA | Pets & Animals, Top

    (I had helped a customer adopt an adorable short-haired tabby. A few days later, she comes back.)

    Customer: “I’d like to exchange this cat. I’m allergic.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We can give you a voucher and you’re more than welcome to look at the puppies we have up for adoption.”

    Customer: “No, no. I’d like another cat. A long-hair.”

    Me: “You’re allergic though. We can’t adopt more cats to you if you’re just going to bring them back.”

    Customer: “You misunderstood. I’m allergic to this one because it’s not–”

    (At this point she waves her hand in front of her face.)

    Me: “Fancy.”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “It’s just such a boring looking cat. I’d prefer something a little more fancy.”

    (She waves her hand in front of her face again. At this point I’m trying really hard not to laugh.)

    Customer: “Do you have any exotic *hand wave* cats? Anything *hand wave* fancy? Perhaps a Persian? I wouldn’t be allergic to that. Or maybe a Siamese? I’m not allergic to *hand wave* fancy cats.”

    (We ended up taking the kitten back and giving her a refund, but she is eternally barred from adopting cats from us.)

    Medical Training These Days Is Shocking

    | DE, USA |

    Me: “Hello this is [name] from [college] returning your call. What can I do for you?”

    Student: “Hi, I was calling to find out–”

    (A very loud noise erupts in the background. Yelling, laughing, and a strange buzzing sound ensues.)

    Student: *sounding embarrassed* “Sorry about that. I work at a hospital and it’s really quiet today. Everyone’s playing Operation (the game).”

    Me: *laughing* “Ma’am, you just made my day.”

    Attempting Mouse To Mouse Resuscitation

    | USA |

    Customer: “I plugged a mouse into my computer, and it died. Now I can’t get it out.”

    (We review for a few minutes and I deduce that he has plugged a mouse into his USB port, but it’s stuck inside and won’t work.)

    Me: “Okay, so grab the cord and try to pull on that.”

    Customer: “You mean the tail? That’s already in the port.”

    Me: “Well, the cord shouldn’t be. You’re supposed to plug in the other end.”

    Customer: “You mean the head? I don’t think it would fit.”

    (Suddenly realizing what the customer has done.)

    Me: “Did you plug in a live mouse to your computer?”

    Customer: “Yes, I believe I said that.”

    (I put customer on hold for several minutes. When I recover I realize I don’t know what to tell the customer I call my supervisor who instructs the customer to bring the laptop into a repair shop. I get the customer back on and tell him this information.)

    Customer: “But Mickey’s gone for good now, right?”

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