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    Archive for 2011

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    Kids Pop The Best Questions

    | Redding, CA, USA |

    (I’m currently 8 months pregnant with a little boy, and in my anticipation of my impending motherhood I love chatting to the little ones that come through my line.)

    Me: “How old are you?”

    Boy: “I’m four, but I am three feet tall which is really tall for my age. I am just going to get bigger and bigger and bigger, just like you are going to get fatter and fatter and fatter.”

    (I laugh hysterically.)

    Mother: “Honey, she isn’t fat. There’s a baby in there.”

    Boy: *wide eyes* “How do they get a baby in there? Why is she working?”

    Mother: “I don’t know why she is working.”

    Me: “I’m going to have a little boy just like you who is going to get bigger and bigger and bigger.”

    Boy: *panicked and near tears* “But you’ll pop!”

    Black Ops To Get You Black Listed

    | MN, USA |

    Customer: “Hi. I have a question for you guys. I haven’t been able to log in to Xbox Live. Has there been an outage?”

    Me: “Not that I’m aware of. Have you done anything while online that might have gotten you banned?”

    Customer: “No. I’ve only been playing the one game and no one is even online when I check!”

    Me: “I think you might have to call their tech support. They should be able to help you out.”

    Customer: “Oh, alright. Anyway, I also want to cancel my pre-order for Black Ops.”

    Me: “Okay. I can do that for you. May I ask why?”

    Customer: “I’ve already got it.”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Customer: “I already have it. Nobody’s online, though.”

    Me: “Sir, are you telling me that you’ve been playing a game that hasn’t been released and that you are actively going online with it?”

    Customer: “Yeah. Why?”

    Me: “I think I’ve figured out why you can’t get on Xbox Live.”

    Some Behavior Is Beyond Brief

    | Rye Town, NY, USA |

    (I am a saleswoman who had to organize the men’s underwear about 10 minutes before a customer walked in.)

    Me: “Hello ma’am, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need [pair of underwear] in a size medium.”

    Me: “I am terribly sorry, but we are out of that particular size in that brand.”

    Customer: “No, I do not believe you. Can you not check?”

    Me: “I can assure you I organized the underwear not too long ago, but I would love to check for you. If we do not have it, I can order it for you.”

    (I recheck, and the underwear is not there.)

    Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, would you like me to order it for you?”

    Customer: “No, I will go somewhere else.”

    (As she leaves, she passes by my manager.)

    Customer: *whispering loudly* “Do you know your female employee spends her free time in men’s underwear?”

    Manager: “Do you know I make her?”

    Breathless Anticipation

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    Customer: “I want to make a complaint about that young man that works here. He didn’t help me at all and I need to find a certain book.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Was the book misplaced? Is that why he couldn’t find it?”

    Customer: “Well, no. He didn’t offer to help me at all. I walked by him three times and sighed loudly, and its his job to know that I need help and to help me out.”

    Me: “Are you complaining because he’s supposed to assume that you need help, even when you didn’t ask him for help?”

    Customer: “It’s the polite thing to do! No one here can find books, they’re all shelved funny and its your job to know that we need help finding them. Make him do his job properly!”

    Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills

    | UK |

    (I’m a nurse in the UK. I’m letting a family of American tourists know that their son, who has recovered from a fever, as been discharged from hospital.)

    Me: “Mr & Mrs [name] I’ve got some good news! Your son is fine and has been discharged. You can continue your holiday now!”

    Father: “How much do we owe you? Do you need our insurance details?”

    Me: “Oh nothing, your son did not need any medication. There will be no bills at all.”

    Father: “Free? But what about consultation fees?”

    Me: “Yes, free. Consultation is covered by our national health service.”

    Father: “Free, like communism?”

    Me: “Well, I guess you could say it’s sort of socialist.”

    Father: “So we owe you nothing?”

    Me: “Nope, not a penny.”

    Father: “If I go home and cancel my health insurance, then get sick, I’ll get my medical treatment for free if I fly to the UK!?”

    Me: “Not unless you had travel insurance, or lived in a country we have a medical agreement with. The US health care system is private so we can’t make an agreement.”

    Father: “But you just said the UK was communist!? If it’s communist health care should be free!”

    Me: “It is, if you’re British or from an EU state.”

    Father: “Whatever. Communists!”


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