In Other Words
(A man is browsing through the lingerie and I approach to see if he needs help.)
Me: “Are you shopping for a gift for your girlfriend?”
Customer: “Naw, it’s for shawty, my hollaback girl!”
Archive for 2011
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Don’t Let Grandma Give You A Puck On The Cheeks
(My grandma is incredibly crazy when it comes to hockey. My family is watching the game in the living room when a player on my grandma’s favorite team gets hit.)
Grandma: *gasps* “You can’t shove someone like that! That’s not nice! This is hockey!”
(Everyone rolls their eyes. An hour later, a player on the other team gets hit.)
Grandma: *now blood-thirsty* “Nice hit! He deserved that one!”
(The player gets up.)
Grandma: “Why is he getting up? He shouldn’t be able to get up yet! Why is he getting up?”
(Everyone stares at grandma.)
Grandma: “Oh… uh… I mean…”
(She giggled awkwardly and continued watching quietly.)
This story is part of our Gorgeous Grandmas roundup!
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Read the Gorgeous Grandma roundup!
Age Is But A Number, Part 2
British Columbia, Canada, Parents/Guardians, Refund, Toy Store, Vancouver |
Right
| December 30, 2011
Customer: “I need to return this.”
Me: “I see that it’s been open and even played with. Mind if I ask what was wrong?”
Customer: “My son says it’s too difficult to play with.”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but once again, this is clearly used, as it’s showing signs of wear. I’m afraid I can’t give you a refund.”
Customer: “You don’t understand. We have no use for this anymore! My son can’t play with it! It’s too difficult for him! Give me my money back!”
Me: “Well, sir, the packaging for this toy does say it’s for ‘Ages 14 and Up’. How old is your son, anyway?”
Customer: “26.”
A Fruit Punch
(I’m pouring seltzer into my orange juice.)
Me: “Blame my mother. I can’t drink juice straight.”
Boyfriend: “This is why you will die in the apocalypse. I love you, but you’ll die.”
Thou Shalt Remain Loyal To Employer
Customer: “Your prices are outrageous!”
Me: “I know. I, myself, prefer to fill up somewhere cheaper.”
Customer: “You should shop here, you know.”
Me: “I buy some of my things here, but I always fill up somewhere cheaper.”
Customer: “No, no, you should fill up and buy everything here! Otherwise, you’ll go to Hell.”
Me: “Uh, I really don’t think God will mind too much if I don’t buy everything from here.”
Customer: “You’d better be sure. I wouldn’t want you to go to Hell.”
Me: “Oh, uh, thanks, I guess?”
Customer: “I don’t want any d*** gas station attendants filling up my Hell just because they didn’t fill up at their own store.”