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    Archive for 2011

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    Nothing To Be Alarmed About

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (This happens while I’m working security for my college. I am a volunteer assisting with the fire drills during morning classes. I run into one of the faculty members while checking the 4th floor of a building to make sure it has been evacuated.)

    Faculty: *mouths something at me from the end of the hall*

    (Note that the alarms are blaring and it is impossible to hear anything unless it is yelled.)

    Me: *speaking at the top of my voice* “ Ma’am, you need to evacuate the building!”

    Faculty: *takes a couple steps closer to me, still obviously trying to say something, but very quietly*

    Me: “I’m sorry? I can’t hear you with the fire alarms going off!”

    (The faculty member continues trying to speak to me from across the hall until I finally walk right next to her and let her talk right into my ear.)

    Faculty: “Do those alarms mean that we have to leave?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Harry Potter And The Delusions Of Grandeur

    | BC, Canada |

    (I am working at the information desk where I look up titles for customers that can’t find what they’re looking for. An older woman approaches me with a request.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, my son likes these movies. Oh, I forget what they’re called. It has three series written by an English lady. The boy has a mental disorder and he’s acting out.”

    (I start giving her options of BBC documentaries, shows, etc.)

    Me: “Do you remember any of the actors? Anything about what they were wearing, what they looked like, etc.?”

    Customer: “The main boy has round glasses.”

    Me: “Do you mean Harry Potter?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: *laughing* “What made you think he had a mental disorder?”

    Customer: “He was at a big state hospital!”

    Definitely Not On The DIY Channel

    | Sydney, Australia | Family & Kids

    (I work at a kids clothing store and a customer comes in with his wife. He is holding his newborn baby.)

    Customer: “Look what we made!”

    With Great Money Comes Fiscal Responsibility

    | Quebec, Canada |

    Customer: “Excuse me? My 13-year-old son went to your store last night and spent over $200.”

    Me: “Okay, and what is the problem?”

    Customer: “Well, no one asked him for ID.”

    Me: *confused* “Well, did he buy anything that requires him to be a certain age?”

    Customer: “No, but he spent $200 and he’s only 13 years old. No one asked him for his ID!”

    Me: “So, I should have asked him for ID and then declined to sell something to him because he’s a teenager?”

    Customer: “Exactly. I’m shocked that your store doesn’t seem to have a policy about this.”

    Me: “Ma’am, how did your son pay for what he bought?”

    Customer: “Cash, of course. He’s way too young to have a debit or credit card.”

    Me: “So you allowed your son to spend a Friday evening at the mall with $200 cash on him, but you’re blaming our store because he spent it?”

    Customer: “Pretty much, yes.”

    Me: “Ma’am, if he wasn’t buying anything he was too young to buy, I couldn’t decline the sale because of his age, as that would be discrimination.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m pretty sure there are laws against it. I’ll be getting back to you.”

    Eau De Bahamas

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    (I am walking by a small selection of candles our store holds.)

    Customer: “Honey! Vacation! It smells like vacation!”

    (Now I’m curious and walk over.)

    Me: “Sir, what fragrance do you have there?”

    Customer: “VACATION!” *beams*

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