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Nothing To Be Alarmed About

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

(This happens while I’m working security for my college. I am a volunteer assisting with the fire drills during morning classes. I run into one of the faculty members while checking the 4th floor of a building to make sure it has been evacuated.)

Faculty: *mouths something at me from the end of the hall*

(Note that the alarms are blaring and it is impossible to hear anything unless it is yelled.)

Me: *speaking at the top of my voice* “ Ma’am, you need to evacuate the building!”

Faculty: *takes a couple steps closer to me, still obviously trying to say something, but very quietly*

Me: “I’m sorry? I can’t hear you with the fire alarms going off!”

(The faculty member continues trying to speak to me from across the hall until I finally walk right next to her and let her talk right into my ear.)

Faculty: “Do those alarms mean that we have to leave?”

Me: “Yes.”

Harry Potter And The Delusions Of Grandeur

| BC, Canada | Uncategorized

(I am working at the information desk where I look up titles for customers that can’t find what they’re looking for. An older woman approaches me with a request.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, my son likes these movies. Oh, I forget what they’re called. It has three series written by an English lady. The boy has a mental disorder and he’s acting out.”

(I start giving her options of BBC documentaries, shows, etc.)

Me: “Do you remember any of the actors? Anything about what they were wearing, what they looked like, etc.?”

Customer: “The main boy has round glasses.”

Me: “Do you mean Harry Potter?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: *laughing* “What made you think he had a mental disorder?”

Customer: “He was at a big state hospital!”

Definitely Not On The DIY Channel

| Sydney, Australia | Family & Kids

(I work at a kids clothing store and a customer comes in with his wife. He is holding his newborn baby.)

Customer: “Look what we made!”

With Great Money Comes Fiscal Responsibility

| Quebec, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me? My 13-year-old son went to your store last night and spent over $200.”

Me: “Okay, and what is the problem?”

Customer: “Well, no one asked him for ID.”

Me: *confused* “Well, did he buy anything that requires him to be a certain age?”

Customer: “No, but he spent $200 and he’s only 13 years old. No one asked him for his ID!”

Me: “So, I should have asked him for ID and then declined to sell something to him because he’s a teenager?”

Customer: “Exactly. I’m shocked that your store doesn’t seem to have a policy about this.”

Me: “Ma’am, how did your son pay for what he bought?”

Customer: “Cash, of course. He’s way too young to have a debit or credit card.”

Me: “So you allowed your son to spend a Friday evening at the mall with $200 cash on him, but you’re blaming our store because he spent it?”

Customer: “Pretty much, yes.”

Me: “Ma’am, if he wasn’t buying anything he was too young to buy, I couldn’t decline the sale because of his age, as that would be discrimination.”

Customer: “Well, I’m pretty sure there are laws against it. I’ll be getting back to you.”

Eau De Bahamas

| Boston, MA, USA | Uncategorized

(I am walking by a small selection of candles our store holds.)

Customer: “Honey! Vacation! It smells like vacation!”

(Now I’m curious and walk over.)

Me: “Sir, what fragrance do you have there?”

Customer: “VACATION!” *beams*

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