Customer: “Your prices are outrageous!”

Me: “I know. I, myself, prefer to fill up somewhere cheaper.”

Customer: “You should shop here, you know.”

Me: “I buy some of my things here, but I always fill up somewhere cheaper.”

Customer: “No, no, you should fill up and buy everything here! Otherwise, you’ll go to hell.”

Me: “Uh, I really don’t think God will mind too much if I don’t buy everything from here.”

Customer: “You’d better be sure. I wouldn’t want you to go to hell.”

Me: “Oh, uh, thanks, I guess?”

Customer: “I don’t want any d*** gas station attendants filling up my hell just because they didn’t fill up at their own store.”

Customer: “I need to return this.”

Me: “I see that it’s been open and even played with. Mind if I ask what was wrong?”

Customer: “My son says it’s too difficult to play with.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but once again, this is clearly used, as it’s showing signs of wear. I’m afraid I can’t give you a refund.”

Customer: “You don’t understand. We have no use for this anymore! My son can’t play with it! It’s too difficult for him! Give me my money back!”

Me: “Well sir, the packaging for this toy does say it’s for ‘Ages 14 and Up’. How old is your son, anyway?”

Customer: “26.”

Related:
Age Is But A Number

(This gentleman has just ordered a vanilla cone. My coworker is standing at the window giving it out while I am beside her. He asks an odd question as he is handed his ice cream.)

Customer: “Do you believe in unicorns?”

Coworker: “What?“

Customer: “Doo-dee-doo-dee…”

(He takes the ice cream cone and smashes it onto the top of his head, I’m assuming as to resemble a unicorn horn, and then drives away.)

Me: “Oh, my.”

Coworker: “Did that really just happen?”

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’d like a mountain pig.”

Me: “I…uh…what? Sorry?”

Customer: “It was called a mountain pig.”

Me: “Uh, we…um, we don’t have anything called a mountain pig. Can you explain that to me?”

Customer: “I don’t know what it is! She said she wanted it.” *turns to friend* “What was it she wanted?”

Friend: “It was, oh, a uh, mountain pig. Yeah that was it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not sure what she meant by that.”

Friend: “It’s a mild coffee. Don’t you have that?!”

Me: “Oh, a Pike Place?”

Customer: “Yeah, that was it! A small one of those, please.”

Me: “Alright, and anything for you, miss?”

Friend: “Yeah, I’ll have two tall mountain pigs!”

(I am working the checkout on a very busy evening. Even though it is busy, I try to make small talk with the customers as we wait for their transactions to process. One lady comes up wearing a Winnie the Pooh jacket. As a Pooh fan myself, I compliment her on her jacket.)

Me: “I just love your jacket!”

Customer: “Thanks! I just wish they had Pooh.”

Me: “Huh?”

Customer: “When I bought this one, they were out of stock on Pooh.”

Me: “That one does have Pooh.”

Customer: *looks down at her jacket* “Well, darn. I forgot which one I was wearing!”