Archive for 2011

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Students Don’t Hit The Books Like They Used To

, | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Uncategorized

(It is the first week of classes, so the book store is absolutely packed.)

Student: “Can you help me?”

Me: “Of course. What do you need?”

(The student hands me her book list.)

Student: “Find all of these for me.”

Be Glad She Didn’t Ask For Cream

| Calabasas, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(An elderly woman comes into the store very early in the morning.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Give me two of those muffins.”

Me: “Sure thing, anything else?”

Customer: “Actually, make it three. They’re kind of my fetish, you know?”

There Is No Meat But Where Is The Proof

| Reading, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “Is your ice cream vegetarian?”

Me: “Well, there’s no meat in it. It does have milk in, so it’s not suitable for vegans.”

Customer: “Yes, but is it vegetarian? You know, does it have alcohol in it?”

In Urgent Need Of A Monolith

| TX, USA | Uncategorized

(A patron has called about extending her borrowing time on a DVD. She is renting “2001: A Space Odyssey”.)

Caller: “I’d really like to get this for a little longer. I live far from the library, and won’t be able to get it back on time.”

Me: “Well, the staff member that handles the loans is not in today. I can take your name and phone number, and have her get back to you.”

Caller: “Oh, that would be just great. I really need to watch this movie because I’m going into space.”

Milking A Complaint For All It Weighs

| MA, USA | Top

(I’m checking out an older woman at the register.)

Customer: “Can you bag these light for me?”

Me: “Sure thing.”

(After several bags worth of items, she has no complaints. I then ring up a gallon of milk for her, and place it in its own bag.)

Customer: *angrily* “Did you not hear me earlier? I asked for these bags to be light. Do you want me to break my arm?”

Me: “Ma’am, there is only one item in that bag.”

Customer: “You’re trying to break my arm! Supervisor! I need a supervisor right now!”

Supervisor: “Can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “He’s trying to kill me! I asked for light bags, and he made this one too heavy. He refuses to redo it!”

Supervisor: “Ma’am, there is only a gallon of milk in that bag. Would you like him to pour out half of the milk for you? That is the only way I see to make that bag lighter.”

Customer: “I’m calling your manager and getting both of you fired. You belong in h*** for trying to kill me!”

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