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    Archive for 2011

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    A Mother’s Love Is Priceless, For Everything Else There’s Credit Cards

    | Dayton, OH, USA | Top

    (A little girl walks up to me and my coworker. She is crying.)

    Me: “Oh, honey. What’s wrong?”

    Girl: “I can’t find my mom.”

    Me: “Well, I can page over the speaker for her. What’s her name?”

    (She gives me the name. My coworker gets a description of her mother as I page. When it’s a lost child, all we say is ‘We have something of yours’ for safety reasons. This is to make sure the child does go with their actual parent.)

    Girl: “I think she left.”

    Coworker: “No, she didn’t. She’s probably looking for you.”

    Girl: “She said she was going to leave me if I didn’t keep up.”

    Me: “She didn’t mean it. Don’t worry, she’ll be here.”

    (We get the girl to talk about her school and dog to keep her mind off how scared she is. It is the longest we have waited for a parent to come. Her mother finally gets there, and stops as soon as she sees her daughter.)

    Mother: “Oh, you! I thought I lost my credit card. Well, come on already! You’ve slowed me down enough.”

    (The girl quietly walks over to her mother.)

    Mother, to me: “Next time, just say it’s my daughter so I know not to rush!”

    About To Be A War Of The Roses

    | Columbia, MO, USA | Top

    (The customer is purchasing a large bouquet of flowers.)

    Me: “Wow! That’s a big arrangement. Is it a birthday, anniversary or apology?”

    Customer: “I slept with my girlfriend’s sister last night.”

    Me: “I’m going make you up something bigger with more roses. There’s a gourmet chocolate shop down the road.”

    Customer: “Thanks.”

    H2-No

    | MI, USA |

    (A couple and their son of about 7 or 8 years old sit down at a table. I start pouring each of them some water.)

    Boy: “What’s that stuff?”

    Mother: “Water, sweetie.”

    (The boy looks at his glass curiously. He sticks his finger in it for a second, then sinks back into his seat.)

    Boy: “Hmm…”

    Not So Good After All

    | GA, USA |

    Customer: “Can I make my payment on Friday?”

    Me: “We’re closed on Good Friday, since Easter is Sunday.”

    Customer: “Good Friday is on a Friday?!”

    It’s Time To Stamp Out Stupidity

    | Terre Haute, IN, USA |

    Me: “May I have your address, please?”

    Caller: “I don’t need to know my address. The postman knows where I live.”


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