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    Archive for 2011

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    Some Customers Are Just Not Mourning People

    | Columbus, OH, USA |

    Me: “Just calling to let you know that the glasses you ordered have come in.”

    Customer: “Awesome, I’ll be there. Now I can leave this funeral early…”

    Totally, Like, Imperio

    | Kraków, Poland |

    (I want to walk into a retail store. There is a customer of my age (around 22) standing in front of the door. It won’t open for her.)

    Customer:Alohomora!”

    (The door opens as I walk closer.)

    Customer: “Ha! Works!”

    (She goes in and I follow her. This is a little store with not much space to wander around. A customer is trying to reach something on the highest shelf.)

    Customer:Accio!”

    (I shake the shelf a little so the item she wants falls into her arms.)

    Customer: “Whoa! It really does work!”

    (We proceed to the register, and she pays and leaves. I am in line behind her. When I get out of the store, she’s already there, standing by her car. A policeman is there, too, writing her a ticket.)

    Customer: “Oh, but I really just went in for a minute! I didn’t see the sign!”

    Policeman: “I’m sorry, miss, there’s nothing I can do. You broke the law by parking here.”

    (The customer stares at him blankly, and then glances at me.)

    Me: “I think the word you’re looking for is ‘Imperio’!”

    Related:
    Totally, Like, Aguamenti
    Totally, Like, Excruciatus

    A Few Digits Shy Of A Phone Number

    | Pensacola, FL, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [cell phone company]. May I confirm your wireless number?”

    Customer: “My what now?”

    Me: “Your wireless number?”

    Customer: “I haven’t got a wireless number.”

    Me: “Your cell phone number.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah. I don’t know.”

    Me: “You don’t know what your phone number is?”

    Customer: “Nah. What is that?”

    Me: “The number associated with the cell phone that you’re calling me from right now.”

    Customer: “Yeah. I don’t know it.”

    Me: “I see here that you’ve had the account for over a year.”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “So do you know your number?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    *awkward silence*

    Me: “Can you tell me what it is?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what that is.”

    Me: “Okay, let’s try this.”

    (I explain how to access the number from the phone menu.)

    Customer: “How do I get the menu?”

    Me: “Press the menu button.”

    Customer: “I haven’t got one. Hang on.”

    (The customer presses random buttons for about a minute.)

    Me: “Hello, sir? Are you done?”

    Customer: “I see something on my screen. It’s a real long number. Is this my number?”

    Me: “What does it say?”

    Customer: “396748562318521*2554###.”

    Me: “Okay, stop. Those are the numbers you just typed into your phone.”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah. I know my number.”

    Me: “Really?!”

    Customer: “Yeah. It’s [6-digit-number].”

    Me: “That was only 6 digits.”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “I need 10.”

    Customer: “Oh. I only got 6.”

    Me: “I realize this.”

    Customer: “That isn’t enough?”

    Me: “Not in the United States of America, no.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s all I got.”

    Me: “Is there any way that I can help you today?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Application Confrontation, Part 2

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Top

    (The store is relatively empty, save for me, a mother with her son, and a guy sitting on the floor next to one of our display models who is hastily filling out a job application. The boy goes and starts playing on the display model, at which point the man reaches over and unplugs it from the wall.)

    Me: “Excuse me, sir. That boy was playing on that.”

    Man: “I need to get this finished! I can’t concentrate with all the noise!”

    Me: “Sir, please plug that back in.”

    Man: “I said I need to get this done! Just give me one minute here, okay?”

    (I go over and plug the display back in myself. The man glares at me and yanks the cord out again.)

    Man: “One minute! Seriously, I just want to get this done. Is that too much to ask?”

    (The boy’s mother comes over.)

    Mother: “Sir, as the associate said, my son would like to play the game. If it’s bothering you, then surely you can move somewhere else to finish your paperwork.”

    Man: “Come on, please!”

    Me: “Sir, she’s right. If you want, I can get you a chair so you can sit at the counter and finish your forms.”

    (The man grumbles, but nevertheless gets up off the floor. I go grab a chair for him from the back and presently the mother and son approach the counter with a pile of games. I ring them up and see them on their way out. The man approaches me.)

    Man: “Look, I understand you have to suck up to the people who spend their money in here. Just admit it to me: you agree that game is s***, and the kid’s tastes in games are s*** for wanting to play it.”

    (I am in shocked silence.)

    Man: “Where’s the manager, so I can give this to him and set up an interview?”

    Me: “You’re talking to her, sir.”

    Related:
    Application Confrontation

    Making A Hug(e) Difference

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I’m having a very bad day, having dealt with a series of unpleasant customers. I have a half-hearted smile on my face, when a six year old boy walks in. He stares at me for a second, then gives me a hug.)

    Me: “Thanks, but where is your mommy?”

    Boy: “She’ll be here soon.”

    Me: “She might not want you hugging random strangers.”

    (He shakes his head.)

    Boy: “Mommy says retail people need more hugs. You looked like you needed one.”

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