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    Archive for 2011

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    The Times, They Are A Changing

    | Coral Springs, FL, USA |

    (On the overnight shift we are not allowed to open the safe. To make sure we have cash in our drawers, we put signs on all our debit card readers saying ‘No Cashback’.)

    Me: “Your total comes to $15.97.”

    (The customer hands me a 20 dollar bill, then reads the ‘No Cashback’ sign.)

    Customer: “So, I’m not going to get my change back?”

    Me: “Yes. Yes you are.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Good.”

    Speaking Posh Gets You No Dosh

    | Boise, ID, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. My name is Steve. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Who did you say this was?”

    Me: “Steve. With whom do you wish to speak?”

    *long pause*

    Caller: “Did you just say ‘whom’?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Caller: “I have the wrong number.”

    You’ll Find That In The Irony Section

    | BC, Canada |

    (A customer is looking through the non-fiction section of the library, and approaches me.)

    Customer: “I’m looking for a book by [author's name], and I can’t find it on the shelf.”

    Me: “Okay. The non-fiction section isn’t sorted by author. What’s the subject of the book you are looking for?”

    Customer: “It’s about the dewey decimal system.”

    RAIDed Storage

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I need my hard drive put back into my computer.”

    Me: “Okay. Why did you take it out? Is it defective?”

    Customer: “No, and I didn’t.”

    Me: “Well, who did?”

    Customer: “The police…”

    There Is No Tea In the Virgin Islands

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA |

    Customer: “Hey, I want a drink without any alcohol. What do you have?”

    Me: “Well, can I get you a soda or something? Maybe some juice?”

    Customer: “Can I get a virgin long island?”

    Me: “You mean, you want an iced tea?”

    Customer: “No, I want a virgin long island.”

    Me: “But, a long island is mostly alcohol. I mean, there are five shots in it. Then some sour and some coke. Do you want a glass of sour and coke?”

    Customer: “Is that alcoholic?”

    (I give up and hand her an iced tea.)

    Customer, turning to a friend: *excitedly* “I got a virgin long island!”

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