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    Archive for 2011

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    Bi Now, Gay Later

    | Jacksonville, FL, USA |

    Customer: “Could you tell me if this store is bisexual?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “You know, like men’s clothes and women’s clothes together?”

    Me: “Unisex? Yes, ma’am, the store is unisex.”

    Customer: “Oh, good. Do you go both ways?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. I can help you with all your purchases.”

    Acting Flippantly, Part 3

    | WI, USA |

    (A customer is calling in with internet problems.)

    Me: “Let me reset some of your equipment. It works best if your modem is off. Can you flip off the power switch for me?”

    Customer: “Is something supposed to change when I do that?”

    Me: “The LED’s on the front of the modem should go dark.”

    Customer: “They’re still on. I’ve been giving it the middle finger for 30 seconds now, and the lights are still on.”

    Related:
    Acting Flippantly, Part 2
    Acting Flippantly

    For Some, Reading Is Total Kabul

    | Dallas, TX, USA |

    Patron: “I need some books on Afghanistan.”

    Me: “Okay, I can show you where that section is in the non-fiction.”

    (I lead the patron over. There are several books on the subject.)

    Patron: “So are these, like, books you have to read? Because my school library had some of those, but it’s not what I wanted.”

    Cross-Branding

    | Peotone, IL, USA |

    Customer: “Which is the better of these two cake mix brands?”

    Me: “Well, both are on sale. One does contain more trans-fats, though.”

    Customer: “Nah, I’ll go with this one. I’d rather use shortening than a stick of butter. Don’t want all of them…uh…transvestites.”

    Pseudo-Named And Shamed

    | London, UK |

    (I’m an author doing a book signing in a shop. I’m female with an obviously female name. The name is also on the book. There’s also a large poster with my name and photo on.)

    Customer: “When’s he going to get here?”

    Me: “Who?”

    Customer: “The author.”

    Me: “I’m the author.”

    Customer: “But, you’re a woman.”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Oh, I get it. You’re one of them pseudonym things.”

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